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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I have something to say that is not easy. Many of you know I was a teacher for some many years, twenty five plus a bit to be exact. I was good at doing what I did but not without some cost. An event took place some 24 years ago that shook my life to its very foundation. It took a lot out of me and even more from me. To make a long protracted story short, I had a breakdown. As part of the treatment I was prescribed with a cocktail of various drugs some for pain due to injuries suffered and some for stability. After the prescribed time of therapeutic deliberations I was deemed ready to tackle the world once again. WRONG! The drugs continued to be a part of my daily regiment in order to give me the albeit false confidence I needed to walk out of the door and to my classroom every morning. To make matters worse I discovered the wondrous effects of vodka.
In other words I was able to work.
Some years later I met someone online who invariably caused me to put some parts of this tale into words. I think you know who I mean so there is no need to mention Tim’s name. The method, causes and effects of our meeting are a bit cloudy in my memory but what I can remember was that it was none too pleasant. As it happened we became friends, quite close as we tended to listen to each other deeply. He is the reason I am able to be here writing this. He is the reason I am with Kevin as I am now.
When I was teaching I needed the drugs and drink to get through the day. When I made a commitment to stop doing those things so went my ability to handle being in front of my classroom. I was at a crossroads in my life once again and had to make a conscience decision once and for all. I was going to live or I was not. No in-between.
I am so sorry I make so many people uncomfortable. I don’t try to. I am also sorry that I get so upset when people don’t understand what I am trying to say. I know there is no excuse. I also know it is a thing that is hard to be aware of let alone control. I know the solution but for the sake of my Kevy I refuse to go that route again. It is hard for me to put my thoughts into type. My mind sometimes tends to race in tangents and the ideas I am trying to present get somewhat disheveled. One conscious way I try to control this is to not use many words to express myself but that doesn’t always work. I do the best I can but it sometimes isn’t enough. For that I am truly sorry.
As for Kevin… we have discussed this. Among other things that I can't talk about here (yet). We’ll be ok…..
Im sorry....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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