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Christmas day was great. Why do I feel empty today? [message #18815]

Fri, 26 December 2003 20:51

timmy

Has no life at all

Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13819

I've watched the silly, schmaltzy movies. Thet are full of thinsg I forgot to do. Fun I forgot to have while I was too wrapped up in being obsessed to listen to the real world, bits of a dad I forgot to be, maybe never knew how to be. Certainly bits of a husband I have no idea how to be.

Now the TV has a crap soap opera on it. I don't want to watch it, so I am upstairs, here.

I dont; feel chatty, so I'm not logged in to chat programs. My writing inspiration is on hold because I can't seem to make time for me. And I feel weepy for no genuine reason.

Yet I have everything any sane perosn woudl want.

I guess I can't spend my life being strong, but my family expects me to be. Or my wife does. My son accepts me as sometimes an ordinary, weak, silly man.

Tomorrow the "January Sales" start. I will be here, at home, while she goes to town and enjoys shopping. Only I will be alone and lonely. And I don't think she understands how lonely I am sometimes. But, if I tell her, that will spoil her shopping trip. If I go with her, that will spoil her shopping trip. And when she gets back I will have to be damned careful I don't spoil the shopping trip she had.

Why, sometimes, is it so possible to be very lonely in company?

Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School

		Christmas day was great. Why do I feel empty today? By: timmy on Fri, 26 December 2003 20:51
		Movies are great, but By: e on Fri, 26 December 2003 22:45
		Re: Movies are great, but By: timmy on Sat, 27 December 2003 01:25
		Re: Movies are great, but By: marc on Sat, 27 December 2003 01:44
		The idea By: e on Sat, 27 December 2003 07:38
		Re: Christmas day was great. Why do I feel empty today? By: jaman on Fri, 26 December 2003 22:46
		Scratching the Patch (No, not that one, you pervs.....) By: dartagnon on Sat, 27 December 2003 02:28
		Maybe... By: david in hong kong on Sat, 27 December 2003 04:03
		Re: Maybe... By: david in hong kong on Sat, 27 December 2003 04:06
		I know how you feel .... By: kevin on Sun, 28 December 2003 19:01

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