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Howdy! I’m down/over/up here in Texas, (depending upon where YOU are) visiting my father. Currently, no one else is home, which is why I’m risking actually BEING on this site at the moment. Upon their return I will, of course, destroy all evidence of my ever being here, for while my Mother’s stance on a .. er…“different” orientation is rather clear my Father has never once mentioned it at all and personally I would prefer some sort of platform – even a negative one – to such an undefined position. ‘Know what I mean?
Anyway, I think I’m going certifiably nuts spending so much time in such a repressive (for lack of a better word (though, a better word may be “frightening”)) environment. And to make matters worse, I think I’ve figured the reason for my reluctance at a familial admission of my “preference.”
Personally, I wish I hadn’t been so introspective as to cause this epiphany as it were. I would much rather remain in my naïve little paranoia where I could not quite figure myself out.
Basically I’m weighing the expected relief of no longer hiding against the emotional explosion that I think I know I’ll bring down upon myself in the process.
So, I was just wondering if it’s “normal” to feel this way. I mean, I only consciously knew I was gay at the beginning of this school year and that had a lot to do with the amazing College atmosphere in which I found myself. Now I am back among the very people who taught me it was wrong. (AAAUUUGH! Sorry; had to scream.)
Right, so that’s my question; is this mental torture (okay, that’s a bit dramatic but that’s how I feel, okay?) a normal occurrence or am I “freaking out?”
Sorry to dump again,
-Machelli
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