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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Longing for a friend...
Longing for a friend...  [message #20730] Thu, 06 May 2004 17:24 Go to previous message
Eothain is currently offline  Eothain

Likes it here
Location: Rohan!
Registered: April 2004
Messages: 108



Meh, I may as well say it. It's been tearing at me for a while now.

Okay, earlier this year I started a chess ECA (extra-curricular activity, you have to do at least two a week) and I noticed this one kid while I was waiting for it to start, who happened to be in year 7. Well, he happened to look really cute, being shorter than the average year 7 by quite a bit, having these sweet freckles, and the warmest smile... Anyhow, during the ECA I played some of my friends at chess, but I liked this kid, and one time I did get to play him at a game of chess, then playing him the week later, and the week after that. During this time, I learnt his name was Steve May (but not from him). I began to really like him, but I wanted to develop a frienship. Anyhow, after that for a few weeks, we didn't get to play a game of chess, yet I did see him around school quite often, yet I wanted to take our relationship futher and become friends, especially as this kid is younger than me, and I was always the youngest in my family but I was too shy to try to talk to him. Anyhow, skip foward to last friday. I managed to get to play him again, and we played, and talked. I mentioned MSN, and suggested that he got it. It wasn't much, but at least it was a step. The next day (being a Saturday), I got an e-mail message from someone (who had Steve in his e-mail address), who claimed to be him. I was extatic, thinking at least I could futher our relationship, becoming good friends and such. Well, we talked about various things, games, school and so on. Anyhow, as it was a bankholiday, I didn't get back to school on Tuesday, but I didn't see Steve once that day. I was quite depressed (especially due to the fact that my coursework marks were rubbish), but then it got even worse as I discovered that the person who claimed to be Steve that I was talking to online actually happened to be someone else on my contact list who had played a prank on me. So much for futhering our relationship. I was heartbroken, and really upset and blocked him. Wednesday, nothing much really happened except at lunch, we skipped the last quater of an hour of maths and went straight to lunch, Year 7s have lunch quater of an hour before year 11s (which is what I'm in), so normally I'd miss him, and I took this oppurtunity and sat down at his table, with a bunch of other year 7s, but not next to him as there happened to be another kid in the way. He didn't even seem to glance at me, which was quite annoying... Though that evening, I did mention about him to my mum, and I was pleased she didn't take it the wrong way, thinking I might be some homosexual peadophile or something, but instead seemed to understand and supported me, which felt good. Today, I was deterimined to at least say hi, let him know that I was interested in him (not in a sexual or gay way, people). At the end of break, I saw him walking to ICT, and as I walked past, I said "Hi Steve" while raising my hand in greeting (not over my head, he was just infront of me). It may have just been my imagination, imagining what I wanted to hear, but I think he either said "Hey" back or "Mmmm" in acknowledgement of my greeting, but I'm not to sure. Anyhow, I decided later to try again later on in the day. I tried to catch him on the way to the last lesson (ceramics for me, sport for him) but apparently I was too late, as I didn't see him. At the end of the lesson, the year 7s were walking to the changing rooms, he walked right by me yet I was silent, being to shy to speak up. But I was deterimined to talk to him when he finished changing. So I waited by the ceramics area, which happened to be next to the changing room. Eventually, he came out, and I was nervous, but suddenly, he changed direction, walking to the boarding houses, which annoyed me, as I wished he could come this way so I could get to speak to him. But what's worse is that there was a sixth former, walking right beside him, they were chatting, playing some sort of game thing, doing what friends do. Ouch, that hit me very deep. At the moment, I truely wish that that I could be in the place of that sixth former. I don't think it's his brother, as they look quite different. *sigh* I just wish I could have a good relationship with him. As a friend, as a little brother...

I pray to God that I can get to have a good relationship with this boy, and have the courage to talk to him tommorow, and not just say "Hi" or "Hey" but a proper conversation, get to know him. I wish it could be so...

I don't know why I post this. But they do say a problem shared is a problem halved and I expect you guys will be understanding. Though if you've got any advice I'd be happy to hear it.
 
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