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someone close to me, who is closer than they should be (because any closer and i'll hurt them again) went to see a psychic. they know that psychics are mostly play and for entertainment, but they were convinced this one was legit because "so many things matched," and not just "those coincidental parallels, but specifics."
they kept asking about me, about would we get back together and could it work this time and will i ever come around and will i ever find myself in my skin and stop trying to die in unobvious ways; will i ever love for real and not just temporary; will i ever find something and stick with it. will i ever love them?
the psychic said she wasn't sure, but that 'you may as well forget this person because they are going to meet someone in july.' this person asked if the person i would be meeting was a boy or a girl, and the psychic said without hesitation, 'a boy.' this person then asked if it was someone new, or someone i'd been in a relationship with in the past (as past people often have strange ways of resurfacing with me; seth, alan...), and the psychic was not sure. just that it would begin like a summer fling, but quite possibly keep on going.
i couldn't help but feel excited, although i admittedly down played it by laughing at 'you actually believed that quack and paid her money to tell you this nonsense?' because 'when will i meet someone? i work, i sleep, i spend time with my kid, i work again.. i do all this and don't get paid, so i have no money to even go out and mingle, etc. how on earth would i meet someone in the chosen month of july?' i am at my worst in the summer; my skin is bad and i sleep a lot because the humidity + crohn's disease + the fact i don't eat = never feeling too great. trust me, i'd not meet anyone in july. yet i still have this glimmer of 'what if it's true, what if what if...' even though july's begun and all of july will be spent between my bedroom and ludington memorial medical center.
it just goes to show how silly i am, that i'd believe this in the first place. i mean really, let's say for a moment psychics CAN be accurate -- don't they need to see/feel the person they're talking about? i wasn't even THERE, how could this woman get that strong of an impression of me to make a judgement call? or did she just say it so this person will get over me (which is the best for this person--i'd just destroy them a second time, i'm awfully good at wrecking people)? i am really hoping it's that, at least. the person deserves so much more.
narf. my new goal weight is 110. it was 120, which is the lowest 'safe weight' for my height. the only reason i push it further is so that i am guaranteed to meet the safe low weight--shooting for further goals = actually reaching the reasonable/attainable ones. i hate having 7 days off from work -- i do like having rest and lots of time with shi, but i hate being in idle. being on my feet and constantly moving about for 10 hours a day has really shed the weight, toned me up, and i barely even realised it was happening. how's that for irony. 
hope everyone's doing well. 
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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