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Do you ever... [message #23271]

Sun, 02 January 2005 00:36

Eothain

Likes it here

Location: Rohan!
Registered: April 2004
Messages: 108

... get the urge to just shout of your sexuality or something along those lines or just do something deliberate or risky in the hope someone finds out? I mean, I sometimes get the urge to tell everyone at school and admit it. In a similar sense, at school a few weeks back, I was watching the Viðrar vel til loftárása at school on the school comptuers during my free period, and at the end of periods, generally people would walk through where I was studying while watching that video and I would pause and minimize it, but after a while, I began to leave it running (except during the kiss of course) and, as strange as it might seem, I sort of felt that I wanted someone to catch me watching this video involving two boys engaging in quasi-homosexual acts and my true sexuality with it. The year 7s have asked me a couple of times if I'm gay and in both cases I've denied it, because it may change the way they think of me (like "omg, he's gay. Let's stay away from him or he'll rape us!") but also because I'm scared of admitting it myself, I don't want to admit it to myself and certainly not to others (though one year 7 actually thinks I am gay based on the way I dress (usually consisting of shirts and jeans), the way I act, essentailly just the way I am), but I kinda almost slightly deep down want to be caught doing something that would reveal my sexuality (and I don't mean any acts with boys or anything, just like being caught on this site maybe (if the school computers didn't block it) or watching the aforementioned vide).

So I'm wondering, does anyone else feel the same way as me? Is anyone else the same way? I dunno what brought this up, I was just thinking, I guess...

		Do you ever... By: Eothain on Sun, 02 January 2005 00:36
		Re: Do you ever... By: M on Sun, 02 January 2005 00:58
		Re: Do you ever... By: joesdog on Sun, 02 January 2005 04:22
		Re: Do you ever... By: timmy on Sun, 02 January 2005 01:26
		Re: Do you ever... By: M on Sun, 02 January 2005 01:47
		Re: Do you ever... By: trick on Sun, 02 January 2005 03:15
		Re: Do you ever... By: marc on Sun, 02 January 2005 10:17
		Re: Do you ever... By: Dave w on Mon, 03 January 2005 16:02
		Re: Do you ever... By: joesdog on Tue, 04 January 2005 10:23
		Re: Do you ever... By: Pyro on Wed, 05 January 2005 19:06
		Re: Do you ever... By: yourbestgayfriend on Thu, 06 January 2005 04:34
		Re: Do you ever... By: tBP on Fri, 07 January 2005 22:33

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