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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13828
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I was wondering if anyone else connects with any of these. Every so often they come back to make me wonder what type of a weird kid I was.
I'm not gay, it's just that I'm in love with one boy. I also look at boys, don't fancy girls, and get really excited when a cute boy is around me. TOngue tied, even. And I look out fo cute bioys. But I'm not gay.
Gay men disgust me. I know I want to do what they do, but I actually find the very idea repellent. I know I don't want to do anything with anyone I don't fancy myself.
Being gay is wrong. I know it's wrong. Every image I have of gay men is bad. My parents hate the idea of gay men. My schoolfriends discuss it and hate the idea.
Gay men are hated. I don't want to be hated. I'm just a normal boy. I don't deserve to be hated.
Maybe there's a cure. Yes, but that will change who I am. I can't risk it. I like everything about me except that I love another boy, want other boys.
There are so many more negative thoughts. I had them all. It was so lonely being me. But I started of saying "Weird". I wasn't weird. I was just me.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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