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i look every day and people look really interesting and would make neat friends or e-mail pals or whatnot.. but like everywhere else, i'm so the minority there. i'm okay with being a minority, even if it's lonely, but i am for-real the *only one* there. is it no one knows what to think of someone like this? people really and truly *are* only about, or interested in, black or white. left or right. night or day. gay or straight, male or female. there's no in between. i think i really need to just wake up and face that music. unless i come up with the $$$ equivalent to buying say, a new house or three cars, so i can really change over, i think i should just give it up.
seriously, it is hell living in the wrong shell, but it was a lot less lonely that way. even if i wasn't comfortable in relationships, at least they existed. it's better to pretend you're enjoying physical things and not be alone, than to be totally alone when trying to find something/someone that you can click with on *all* relationship levels, which includes things of physical nature.
sorry. this non-sensical, non-answerable babble is brought to you by the creature who came off a 15.5 hour shift last night at 10 pm, and has yet to be to bed because the creature is moving, soon, and packing packing packing must be done. also i'm skating in the "seyferth challenge" (local skate park), aggressive division II. what spare time i have is spent cleaning, packing, playing with shi, and skating. so... i get little rest. and then get very emotional. but i'd be saying/feeling this even if i was well rested... it's just i wouldn't be posting it, ha!
 ??
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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