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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13824
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I had quite a difficult day today. I stayed last night at my mother's house. It was the first time I've slept there since March 1979 when we bought our own place. Well except when my father was hallucinating during his final onslaught of meds against Parkinson's disease. But that we restraining hiom rather than sleeping.
This house is where all the streses of being faced with being gay happened, and where all my parent fights happened.
And today my mother wants to learn more about her son, and what it is like to be gay, married and everything.
I hadn't expected to have to fight back tears. I told her how I spent my teenage years lying to myself, desperate to be allowed to meet girls in case I was really not a little queer, how I was outed at school, how I was obsessed by one boy and lusted after upwards of 50 others, how I coudl not tell my wife to be that I was gay because I couldn't even admit it to myself, how I was unable to reinvent mnslef at university becuase one of my best friends was there and I thought it actually mattered. And I think it did matter.
She said "how lucky that it is different today", so I explained about Zach and Love in Action. She had no idea that other parts of the English speaking world were uncivilised. But as I explained I remmebered that it was an "illness" then and that she would have had me "cured".
It was not an easy day
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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