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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I transcribed this over the phone so if parts of it seem weird or if there are gaps it's because I typed it up wrong..
My brothers it is my sad duty to report the passing of our much beloved Sammy also known as Tyger. On September 16 his long struggle with Bone Marrow Cancer and Acute Lymphatic Leukaemia came to an end as has his constant pain. His loss is like a deep wound in my heart and my soul aches with the depth of his absence. For the better part of two and a half years Tyger's life, fight and education have been entrusted to my care. I have watched as he tried I fought with him and comforted him at his set-backs; I counseled him through heartaches and tried as best as I could to keep his agile mind ever searching for the answers we all seek in life. My life has been his life; he has become as a son to me, a little brother. And I learned from him as much as he learned from me.
Though he missed his sixteenth birthday by a mere 45 days this boy, this little warrior showed me more of how to live as a man than I learned alone in my thirty five years walking this world. His was an old soul; closed in a child's body he was possessed of a most singular wit and wisdom far beyond his years; a joy and passion for life; a compassionate giving nature; a deep sense of honor, loyalty, respect and devotion; a fierce independent spirit and a deep and genuine affection. It is his last, his infinite capacity for love that so staggers those who had the privilege to know him personally. For Tyger truly loved those who earned his trust, in ways they may never fully understand, he loved them.
And his bravery should be an example to us all. It has always been my assumption that this boy was destined for greatness. That he is a natural leader. Born to it. As such his death at such a young age is a tremendous loss to his whole generation. Of all the souls I've come across in my years, all the brave soldiers and sailors, the dedicated doctors and teachers, the policemen and medics who push back against the dark places in our world, I can honestly say that this self-effacing little warrior had more courage than all of them combined. We are all shamed by his example.
Tyger's treatments, you see, are still in the experimental phase, he volunteered to be a human guinea pig. The details of the treatment are unimportant here; suffice to say that a standard course might run as 9 hours or as short as 5. Each treatment left him sore, dehydrated, drained and hideously uncomfortable. There isn't a price I wouldn't have payed to spare my little brother from that pain. Yet he cheerfully took up the challenge, as often as three times a week, telling everyone that he was doing his part, because "No kid should ever have to go through chemo again, ever!"
His health and weight in the weeks before this day were a source of constant worry to me. He would make improvements and then get upset at himself when there were setbacks. He was pushing his body very hard and the strain was showing. Tyger wanted so much to impress his closest friends to the steady success he felt like he let them down when his weight would drop. It wasn't, in my opinion, that he feared their disapproval so much as he didn't want his friends more worried about his life than their own. I should mention Tyger wasn't just "wicked smart" but an athlete. He used to play hockey and enjoyed being outdoors. At one point his weight was a compact 120lb (about 60 kg) on his slim, 5'2 3/4" (159.4 cm) frame. When he weighed in on the 15th of September our little Kat weighed only 81lb (36.8 kg). Several days before that treatment the doctor in charge confided in me that Sammy's weight was becoming more the critical factor, he informed his parents that the situation was becoming very dangerous indeed. The medical staff decided that more aggressive measures were called for. Looking back I think even Tyger knew that time was running out.
The treatment on the 15 of September was the largest one yet. 16 Hours Tyger lay on the table, bathed in UV light while nearly 40 litres of fluid were pumped into his body. Being neither a medical man nor a proper scientist I lack the full understanding of the process I only know that for a time it was working and Tyger had faith that it'd cure him. He was extremely weakened after the 16 hour ordeal and as planned we checked him into the hospital for observation. He slept fitfully during the early hours of September 16. I barely slept sitting next to him in the hospital chair. I awoke around 10 am to the sound of Sammy quietly crying. He complained of a "wicked headache" and throbbing pain in his right hip where the cancer was centred. He also told me he had trouble focusing his eyes. I summoned a nurse and held Sammy, comforting him while the nurse went to fetch an injection for the pain Sammy is what I affectionately refer to as a "hug-beast". Given a chance, he would crawl into any available lap simply to be affectionate. It was just a Sammy thing. At any given time he was given to pouncing on people or giving what he called "tackle hugs". When he asked me to hold him it was nothing new to me.
Tyger began whispering to me as I held him and rubbed his back to comfort him, he was trembling and as so many people who care for him I felt powerless; this boy did not deserve to be in this much pain. He told me that he dreamed of his brother Daniel. Has Danny not died almost 12 years ago, I had every hope that Danny and I would still be lovers as he was my age. Tyger told me that in his dream Danny was calling to him saying that it was time to go. During this explanation the nurse administered the nurse administered pain medication. Almost at once his trembling subsided and he relaxed against me.
Tyger then whispered to me the last words of his life before drifting off to sleep at last. He said, "Robby, tell them I love them.” The medicine took effect and he fell asleep in my lap. We put him back to bed, About an hour after that, in the peace of dreams, free of pain at last, our Tyger wandered deeper into the Mysts, fallen paths we cannot follow, though he gone he is not forgotten. Even as I write this I still feel Tyger's presence with me, guiding me, guarding me. He love lives on with me even as it lives on with his friends and Water Brothers.
The doctor told me Tyger's body suffered and arterial blockage in his brain, which accounted for the fluid pressure pain. It is believed that small bits of cancerous marrow had entered his blood stream and caused the blockage which led to his body quietly shutting down. In accordance with his final wishes certain organs were harvested from his body and his other remains were cremated. He wanted his ashes scattered at the mouth of the Merrimack River in Massachusetts near where he was born so that his body and spirit could return to the waters of his birth. There will be no stone monument, no storage niche for Sammy who considered such things a "wasteful use of good soil", always the practical one. It was also his wish and his family’s that in lieu of Sympathy cards, flowers and other gifts, mourners simply make a donation to a cancer charity of their choice. It was always little brother's opinion that a person's life should be celebrate more than their deaths commemorated, in this way his fight against cancer continues.
To Sammy's Water Brothers, his closest allies and friends, I still have several obligations to complete. For several of you there are letters written in his own hand which I must send out when I can. Some of you are also going to receive small tokens of his at his request. I ask that you have some patience for these as it may take me some time to make all arrangements. Certain legal issues prevent me from acting as I know I should on these matters at this time. I will do my best to honor my little brother's wishes.
In keeping with that pledge I offer the follow: Sammy loves you. To his friends at iomfats.org to his internet chat buddies, to his precious Water Brothers and to one person in particular who made his last days a joy, a pleasure and a time of hope, know always that our little warrior Kat, watches over you, guards your dreams and lobes you even beyond the veil of this life and into the next.
Part of his final duties impressed upon me was a simple thing; when he was asked by his boyfriend in all but touch to give a simple ceremony really. On the day of his birth October 31 simply light a candle remember Sammy in happier times and raise a glass in his name. It doesn't matter what you drink, just remember that once upon a time there was a young boy named Tyger and he fought a hungry beast that he lived well, thought well, loved strong and held us all. Remember what it means to be a Water Brother. And remember that love isn't a feeling, love is an action, it is in everything you do, and say and feel for those who you love. That is Tyger's legacy to give to us all.
Tyger loves you. Nothing too special, too out of the ordinary, just love, just Tyger, just Sammy.
See you on the other side, my brothers.
-Robby Viens aka D'Artagnon
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: saben on Sun, 09 October 2005 20:52 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: tBP on Sun, 09 October 2005 21:30 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: mike on Sat, 29 October 2005 16:56 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: tBP on Sun, 30 October 2005 21:22 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: timmy on Sun, 30 October 2005 22:18 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: tBP on Tue, 01 November 2005 16:43 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: tBP on Wed, 16 November 2005 12:09 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: timmy on Mon, 10 October 2005 07:09 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: Deeej on Mon, 10 October 2005 18:51 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: ashley on Mon, 17 October 2005 12:29 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: Whitop on Mon, 17 October 2005 14:11 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: Ben on Mon, 17 October 2005 23:30 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: joesdog on Wed, 26 October 2005 07:57 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: gadget on Thu, 27 October 2005 18:55 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: Guest on Fri, 28 October 2005 18:56 |
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger
By: gadget on Wed, 02 November 2005 03:58 |
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