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A few weeks ago we read here how Marc and Kevy were let down by someone who was supposed to be a friend. (I hope a solution is working out for them.) This morning I received an e-mail from a good friend which I would like to share with you: "frustration and anger when shared are doubled". Of course, I have removed all possible indication of identities. This is what my friend wrote:
Today was one of the most difficult days I have had in many years. Some of you may remember that I have been helping a 22 year old young man from X who has suffered from depression, prescription drug abuse, and scorn from his family for being gay. His suicide attempts have been very real. After prayers from many of us, he more or less pulled through his last overdose, coming out of a coma of nearly two weeks.
This past Sunday night Y called to ask if he could come over to my house to talk. I told him that he was always welcome. As the hour became late he asked if he could stay over. I agreed, contingent upon his informing his parents. He spent the night on my couch. In the morning (Monday) I got up and went to work. I left a set of keys so that he could leave when he was ready.
I keep a large sum ($6,000) of cash in a place that one would have to spend hours to find. This is money that I have earned over the years and have put aside in the event that I, or someone I cared for, had a real crisis. It may be stupid, but I am sure many of you keep some cash in the house. On Sunday morning I took $500 from the cash to help pay down my bank overdraft. So I knew exactly how much I had. This morning (Wednesday), I decided to take another $500 as my overdraft was still too large. To my shock I discovered that $5,000 was missing. Nobody, other than Y, had been in my home.
I felt betrayed. This was most of my life savings (pension aside). I have spent many hours at Y's hospital bedside. I have paid for much of his medical expenses when his insurance fell short. I have given of my heart, spirit, and wallet.
I did not know what to do. I certainly wanted my money back. I also knew that if the police were to arrest him he would, quite likely, try to kill himself. I also knew that if they did not arrest him, but instead, called to ask him to come in for an investigation, he would run away (with the money) and possibly kill himself. I called his one "sane" friend and his parents. Both urged me to file a complaint with the police. He has scorned family, friends, and doctors, who have tried to help. Perhaps this form of tough love would shock him.
I was not convinced. I asked that the parents call the district psychiatrist to see that, if arrested, he would be placed under a suicide watch. This was arranged. Or so I thought. At the last minute the police told me that they were not social workers and such a request would take days to process. I told the parents of Y that I could not take responsibility for a possible suicide. I was prepared to file the complaint only if they asked me to do so since now there were fewer guarantees of safety. They asked that I go forward. Y's father accompanied me to the police station.
His parents confronted him and Y, 21 years old, who admitted to stealing the money. He has spent about half of it. The remainder was be returned to me.
This evening,after filing the complaint, I went to visit Y to let him know that I was deeply hurt but this whole matter was not reason to harm himself. A sort of "hate the sin, love the sinner" talk. He told me that he was certain that I was angry and hurt - but he was unrepentant. He explained that he "needed the money" and when push comes to shove, "we all look out for number one". (He spent the money on nonsense).
On the more selfish side (or perhaps it is not so much selfish as it is natural and normal) I am feeling very down about my financial loss. I am also feeling the betrayal and the anger.
My primary concern remains, through all of this, that Y gets well.
This may be a case of what happens when we do not set appropriate limits. But I often get my hands dirty. The city social workers know that I can be called if someone needs a place to crash for the night. I will not allow anyone under the age of eighteen to stay here lest there be any thoughts of impropriety. Being a single male, I do not host kids for the weekend unless they are from families with whom I am friendly. Such are the times.
But I did open my home, heart, and wallet to Y. I have paid a steep price.
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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Wicked Ingratitude
By: JFR on Fri, 19 May 2006 11:33 |
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Re: Wicked Ingratitude
By: timmy on Fri, 19 May 2006 12:21 |
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Re: Wicked Ingratitude
By: Deeej on Fri, 19 May 2006 12:50 |
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Very thought-provoking on several levels.
By: cossie on Sat, 20 May 2006 02:05 |
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Re: Very thought-provoking on several levels.
By: JC on Sat, 20 May 2006 06:37 |
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Re: Very thought-provoking on several levels.
By: JFR on Sun, 21 May 2006 02:31 |
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Re: Wicked Ingratitude
By: marc on Sat, 20 May 2006 08:34 |
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Re: Wicked Ingratitude
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Re: Wicked Ingratitude
By: NW on Sun, 21 May 2006 12:09 |
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Re: Wicked Ingratitude
By: JFR on Sun, 21 May 2006 12:23 |
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Re: Wicked Ingratitude
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Re: Wicked Ingratitude
By: NW on Sun, 21 May 2006 15:57 |
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