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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Orientation issue, please advise... gently
Orientation issue, please advise... gently  [message #33872] Fri, 21 July 2006 19:00 Go to previous message
new_new_guy is currently offline  new_new_guy

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Registered: July 2006
Messages: 11



Hi All,

I have chosen this forum to ask for advise partly because I have found relevant health / hygiene information very helpful and partly because it appears to me that the people that communicate through it will make a sincere effort to help me (i.e. think through my perspective).

Recently turned 31. I have been mostly with women, and I recently broke up from an 11-year relationship with a woman. Have also had a long standing (secret and "no-strings-attached") relationship with a man (about 10 years, too), and have enjoyed the "receiving" side of anal sex. I am now single. (Please, dont make fun of my parallel affairs... Its a problem, I know)

I have observed some contradictory, in my opinion, signals from myself: I will take notice of good looking men infrequently, flirt with men even more infrequently, and definetely not get sexually aroused from casual / social contact with a handsome man, say in a bar or in a concert etc. like I would with a beautiful woman. I will not get "started" with a man easily.

On the other hand, like I mentioned earlier, I do enjoy sex with a man (once we get going!), I enjoy caressing another man, offering oral sex and so on. Now that I am alone, I will often masturbate both ways. I have even started a sex toy collection.

Has anyone heard of this before? Am I undecided about sexual orientation? Perhaps I am not comfortable with other people yet? Or I should find a woman I can do these things with? When I say I enjoy anal sex, I mean it. But I am also sincere in saying I dont get hard-ons from cute guys in bars, so....

I recently met a man, and have spent some good time together, as friends. There is mutual interest for something more, and there definetely are some feelings involved, its not a sexual thing. A few days ago we spent the night out together, drinking, talking, dancing and so on. As we parted, we kissed and hugged on the street. I could feel him pressing against me, he was erect. But not me.

So, I am very anxious that things will progress and we will reach a point where he will think that I am not interested in him, or that something is wrong with me or with him. What's going on? Can anyone help?

PS. If this sounds stupid or crazy, please be polite...
 
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