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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13828
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Nigel's post prompted this.
JFR and he have posted thoughts about self image. Let me lay me bare (do get out of the gutter, I am overweight!) in front of you.
I am shy, painfully so. So shy that I have constructed a suit of armour that allows me to function except in social situations. I had to explain to someone dear to me the other day that I do not function well on the phone socially, though I am unfazed by any form of business phone call, even a sales cold call to an unknown! Socially I blunder and stutter (in my head at lest) and have no real idea how to end the call.
My self image throughout school was as The Wimp. I was scrawny, somewhat pathetic and always picked on. I clung to boys I wanted to be friends with, allowing them to bully and hurt me if ONLY they would pay me some attention. Except Martin Busk. He was a real little shit and used to get a form of protection money from me at morning break. [Now THAT will be fun if someone Googles him! Born in 1951/2] I was afraid of him.
I was appalling at ball games, though I tried hard. Thsi did not help my self image at all. I was studious, allegedly, but really all I was good at was school work. And later at sailing.
When I changed school at 13 it was not possible to reinvent myself because almost all of the peole form my prior school came too. I remained a wimp, but now a queer wimp. I was too afraid to tell anyone (justifiable then) and never dared to approach any boys. I know one approached me. I was uninterested. And that leads to the point.
I was an arrogant wimp. I only wanted th epeople I chose aroiund me, not the people who chose me. And I was too shy to get the social things right, so I failed.
Over the years I have lost every friend I had back then except my friend Peter in Australia, my "brother".
What did others think of me?
Hmmmm. When I have remade contact only two have been interested. Ray, who knew I was gay when I was 18 but never cared or said, and Richard, rom school, with whom I have shared a meal and an occasional chat. The rest have shunned me as though I have the plague.
I was, I assume, as gay as a department store window at Christmas, and I assume it showed. I just never knew. No-one has said so, but they reply to an email, I reply to them, and then nothing. Zilch. So I was not the pleasant, happy friendly person I always thought I was, but I was something very different.
University friends? No interest in them at all, and they have none in me. I am an aggressive loner. I have odd emotions over things, or at least unconventional. I don't "grieve right". I really am unmoved by all deaths so far except my creatures, and not all of them.
My self image has affected jobs (I got fired a lot), relationships (I married a girl!), and academic qualifications. But I am not sorry for myself, and I am proud of the things I have achieved.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Self image, and how it affects us
By: timmy on Tue, 12 September 2006 20:11 |
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Re: Self image, and how it affects us
By: marc on Tue, 12 September 2006 21:01 |
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Re: Self image, and how it affects us
By: marc on Wed, 13 September 2006 21:36 |
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Re: Self image, and how it affects us
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Re: Self image, and how it affects us
By: Aussie on Tue, 12 September 2006 23:25 |
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A long, rather egocentric ramble
By: Deeej on Tue, 12 September 2006 23:19 |
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Re: A long, rather egocentric ramble
By: Deeej on Tue, 12 September 2006 23:38 |
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Re: A long, rather egocentric ramble
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Excuse me!
By: Deeej on Tue, 12 September 2006 23:54 |
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Re: Excuse me!
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Re: Excuse me!
By: Deeej on Wed, 13 September 2006 00:48 |
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Re: A long, rather egocentric ramble
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I was asking for that
By: Deeej on Tue, 12 September 2006 23:57 |
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Well, actually ... (embarrassed cough) ... I don't know .
By: cossie on Wed, 13 September 2006 02:06 |
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Re: Well, actually ... (embarrassed cough) ... I don't know .
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Re: Self image, and how it affects us
By: ZeroGrav on Wed, 13 September 2006 05:04 |
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A suggestion
By: JFR on Wed, 13 September 2006 07:28 |
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Re: A suggestion
By: timmy on Wed, 13 September 2006 07:32 |
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Re: Self image, and how it affects us
By: Nigel on Wed, 13 September 2006 09:17 |
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Self image / self-disclosure
By: NW on Wed, 13 September 2006 11:13 |
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