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I don’t know why I’m making this post. It really will mean nothing to anyone but me; I guess I just need to let some emotions spill out.
I lost my eldest brother today, the forth family member in ten years. There’s only my younger sister and I now. The impact of all this is just almost too much to bear. Everyone was alive ten years ago when I found out I had HIV. Why am I still here and they are all gone. My two bothers had their wives and children, my parents had each other and their grandchildren.
It just doesn’t make sense. I would have gladly given my life for theirs. I have no one, I only come in contact with deferent people for brief moments it seems any more with little or no impact of any real substance that I can see.
The greens of new life in spring next year will be muted. I really don’t know how to explain this, but I know beyond the pain and felling of loss the road goes on and they walk with me in my heart and mind even somehow more deeply, somehow this transcendence has made the bond deeper than it ever has been. Still I can’t get over this feeling, it should have been me not them.
We can’t undo the things we do in this life that separate us, none of us is perfect. It seems to me sad though that we find it so hard to forgive the things real or imagined that drive these wedges between us and the ones we love. A word to the wise. If there is anyway to heal those rifts, do so while the time is ripe, time will only make it harder and there comes a time when there will be no time left. It’s been two years at my fathers funeral since I beheld my brother and heard his voice. I hadn’t seen or talked to my father for three years. I never had the chance to say the thing I could have. I love you
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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In remembrance
By: arich on Tue, 19 December 2006 01:16 |
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Re: In remembrance
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Remembering.
By: cossie on Tue, 19 December 2006 02:19 |
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Re: In remembrance
By: Aussie on Tue, 19 December 2006 03:43 |
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Re: In remembrance
By: marc on Tue, 19 December 2006 07:22 |
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Re: In remembrance
By: timmy on Tue, 19 December 2006 07:54 |
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Re: In remembrance
By: Deeej on Tue, 19 December 2006 14:12 |
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Re: In remembrance
By: kupuna on Tue, 19 December 2006 14:58 |
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Re: In remembrance
By: arich on Wed, 20 December 2006 03:47 |
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Re: In remembrance
By: timmy on Wed, 20 December 2006 07:27 |
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What a wonderful Place!
By: Whitop on Thu, 21 December 2006 06:03 |
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