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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Hmmm... so I've been thinking....
Hmmm... so I've been thinking....  [message #44190] Mon, 06 August 2007 16:25 Go to previous message
saben is currently offline  saben

On fire!

Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537



My father never paid a cent for me. Legally until 1989 Child Support was only enforcable if Mum took it to the Family Court. She didn't, she was too proud and wanted to "do it alone". She did a good job, but I kind of regret that she did nothing.

I met my father once. It was 1999, so I would have been 14. We were going for a holiday to Melbourne where he lived and my Nan asked me if I'd like to. He was nice, he seemed like a "good dad" type person, I guess just not to me. I don't really know what Mum told him, but by age 14 she was willing to have him be a part of my life if he wanted. We got in contact, met up, he told me about his work (he was a manager at 3 different car dealerships, including the top Holden dealership in Victoria) and had dinner. He was loaded, at least by my standards back then. I've since seen the world and really he's probably typical for most high end managers. His house seemed like a mansion, it was probably worth AU$1mil or at least half that. He had multiple cars, probably gifts from the company, all "brand new" and "expensive" by my standards at the time. He also had a wife, 2 kids (my half brothers who'd be 14 and 12 by now if I count right) and a pet turtle.

So we met up and he said something about him being in Tasmania for Christmas that year and that we could meet up again then. I heard nothing from him. The next year he moved to Launceston, my city, I heard nothing. He started running an indoor kids playground business that is still running now, as far as I know. I've still heard nothing, nothing for my 16th, 18th or 21st birthdays. I feel let down and disappointed, he was the adult. I understand the situation is awkward and maybe his wife made it hard (though he mentioned she knew about me since the first date). But that's no excuse, he could have at least contacted. I wonder if he didn't contact me for fear of Mum chasing him down for Child Support.

Well, nothing could have been further from the truth. She never wanted a cent from him. She raised me, from when she was 16 by herself. Working part-time at the supermarket to supplement her government pension. And I never went without. The fridge was always full. I always had games and toys- maybe not straight away at release, but my Christmas stocking always overflowed. My Mum did it all, with not a cent from him. I don't know if she rejected his help, or how many times he offered, if ever. But I'm still immensely proud of my Mum.

She may not have wanted anything from him. But I do. At the least an explanation. At least to be able to meet my brothers. Hopefully on top of that he'll pay for orthodontic work on my teeth that is long overdue. My Mum has perfect teeth, but I had to inherit my father's- his genetic deficiency makes me embarassed to smile in photos. He could at least pay for that. And maybe more.

I don't know how to feel about the whole thing. Should I take the bastard for as much as I legally can (if indeed I have any legal ground at all)? Should I be content with an explanation? Should I try and be a part of his life?

He'll never be my dad, it's too late for that. He'll always be Craig, my father. But I wouldn't mind being a part of his family, if he even wants me. The whole thing is confusing.

What do you guys think? Advice please?


Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
 
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