|
|
It’s funny; I am not one that often shares what I am feeling below the surface of the fake façade that the world see’s. I always seem to feel better after I write it all down, so I am hopping this time will be no different.
I did it again. Slowly but surely I pushed everyone close to me away. All the people that I trust/trusted are no longer with my little bubble of being. All due to one who violated my trust, but what’s new! It always happens to me. As I lay here and type this I don’t want anyone to be near me, but at the same time I want them all here, because they make me feel safe. That is ironic because I am safer by myself, because no one can betray me, but I don’t feel safe when I am alone. In fact I am scared to death when I alone.
I have not been able to sleep of late; if I do sleep it’s only for about 30 to 45 minutes. And I know why but I don’t want to think about it, because to think about it brings back the pain of it. My mistake, my choice, my failure the one thing that I can never make right no matter how hard I try.
It’s funny how when you are feeling down how your mind drifts to ending it all. What scares me the most is not that I think of ending it, but instead the reason that I have for going on. To be honest I don’t care if people would miss me. For the reason that they all would forget about me soon after my death due to that people move on it’s a fact of life. But the only reason that I can think of, is my one credit card that I use to build my credit. I owe only just a few hundred that my next pay check will pay off. No its the fact that I hate owing people money is keeping me from doing it. Sad but true I know!
Jay
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
