|
|
|
timmy
|
 |
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13818
|
|
|
Why do they:- Walk around the house speaking so you can hear, but not to you, yet obviously for your benefit?
- Make work where none exists (Just come back from a walk so we'll launder those clothes)?
- When asked to stop, start screaming at you because it is obviously your fault that this work has to be done?
- Set a time to go out and then achieve 15 minutes minimum lateness, despite the fact that they set the time?
- Agree to do one thing, but want to do 10 other things when you get there?
- Dress up to impress, but obviously for someone else, because you aren't allowed to touch?
- Buy anti-aging creams, and insist that they work and they need them, but oddly never suggest that you use them, too?
- Have clothes with pockets, but are never able to carry even a slim mobile phone in theirs?
- Always need paper tissues?
- Find it impossible to go to bed without a 30 minute routine of adding body moisturiser to parts of their bodies that you might have wanted to touch without it, but are then rendered unpleasantly greasy, so become highly undesirable?
- Whine, moan an wail just out of earshot, but close enough that you just know they're doing it?
- Make that moaning your fault, too, because without you, the useless lump of a man, they would not have to be/do/(verb of your choice) like this?
- Keep up a running commentary about how hard their lives are while banging and crashing around the house in order to make some point or other that you really don't care about and they've actually forgotten?
- Tell you how tired they are, and then start a marathon session of housework in order to show you how much they have to do (ideally when you can't see that it is necessary at all)?
- Do every task as noisily and "efficiently" as possible in order to show you that you are not doing any tasks at all (But you know you are not doing them)?
- Drive you away from them as hard as they possibly can, and then get upset when you accept being driven away?
- Insist that everything has to be done "now, this minute" when it patently does not?
- Push you away as hard as possible if you try to take over one of the tasks they insist are required right now, because they have decided that only they can do it, despite the fact that they are only doing it to show you that you are not doing it?
- Make you spend a shedload of money on refurnishing the living and dining rooms, and then insist that you are not able to use either for living or dining in?
- Accuse you of being aggressive when all you're doing is hiding from them or waiting for a smile or decent word?
- Save every last single incident up in their memory in order to harangue you with each last one, when you've treated them as transient and forgotten all about them?
- Say they'll do things, and appear to mean it, but, when reminded, accuse you of nagging them, even if the thing they were about to do was going to be pleasurable for them, like phoning one of their friends (they are, of course, "not in the mood" because they did all that hard work they invented to show you what a heel you were being, and are thus too tired)?
- Suggest that they would like company watching TV, but when you dedicate yourself to watching something "with" them, watch while reading a book or the newspaper?
- Make you believe that they like you, but, when you respond, take a knife to your testicles and remove them, little by little?
- Promise never to let the sun set on a row, but absolutely refuse to make up for days, weeks, months?
- Carefully contrive to misunderstand even the simplest thing in order to precipitate a row today, tomorrow or in a few years time?
I very much doubt I ever will understand women. I have no idea why I fell in love with one. And she holds me accountable every day for ruining her life by marrying her, yet says that she loves me.
Go figure.
[Updated on: Sun, 30 September 2007 20:39]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
 |
 |
I have never understood women
By: timmy on Sun, 30 September 2007 14:44 |
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
By: jack on Sun, 30 September 2007 16:40 |
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
By: timmy on Sun, 30 September 2007 16:50 |
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
By: jack on Sun, 30 September 2007 16:59 |
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
By: Scott on Sun, 30 September 2007 17:20 |
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
By: timmy on Sun, 30 September 2007 19:19 |
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
By: marc on Sun, 30 September 2007 18:49 |
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
By: timmy on Sun, 30 September 2007 19:29 |
|
 |
Re: I have never understood women
By: JimB on Sun, 30 September 2007 20:09 |
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
By: unsui on Sun, 30 September 2007 20:14 |
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
|
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
By: timmy on Sun, 30 September 2007 21:03 |
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
|
|
|
Re: I have never understood women
By: timmy on Sun, 30 September 2007 21:44 |
|
|
I must be really lucky.
|
|
|
Re: I must be really lucky.
By: JFR on Mon, 01 October 2007 07:51 |
|
|
'Rent Speak
|
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
By: timmy on Mon, 01 October 2007 16:18 |
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
By: unsui on Mon, 01 October 2007 18:13 |
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
|
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
|
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
|
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
By: Roger on Mon, 01 October 2007 18:31 |
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
|
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
|
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
By: Roger on Mon, 01 October 2007 21:47 |
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
|
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
|
|
|
Re: 'Rent Speak
|
Goto Forum:
[  ] |
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
