|
|
cossie
|
 |
On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
|
|
|
I have read carefully through Timmy's posts in another thread several times over the last two or three hours, but I must confess that I do not fully understand the point he seeks to make.
There is at least an implication that I may be acting in an intolerant way by not appreciating Marc's problems. Some posters may well feel that to be the case. Believe me, I am the last person likely to do that. I know very well how counterproductive it is to tell someone suffering from mental problems to 'pull themselves together'; I have struggled with mental illness in various forms for two-thirds of my life. Through my own experiences and the experiences of those with whom I have shared treatment, I have wide-ranging experience of the associated problems. I fully appreciate how such illnesses can alter personality or affect judgement. Unlike Marc, I was never traumatised by an attempt to 'cure' my homosexuality, but I do suffer from a phobic aversion as a result of something that was done to me as a child; this has had a significant and negative impact upon my adult life, so I do have some conception of what Marc has suffered.
What's more, I do care about Marc, and he knows that very well. It may not look that way, but I am actually trying to help him. It is manifestly clear to anyone reviewing the correspondence on this forum over the last two or three years or so that allowing the status quo to be maintained is NOT helping him. By his attitude, he is rapidly becoming his own worst enemy, and as a result his sense of isolation is increasing, rather than diminishing. I cannot make any claim to medico-psychological expertise other than what I have gleaned from my experiences at the receiving end, but in that capacity I have met several people who acted as Marc is acting, though none of them had his academic background. 'Getting stuck', and reacting by lashing out at others, is by no means an uncommon phenomenon, but it is not normally associated with those of higher intellectual capability - and Marc was once a Head of School in a State University, so he is clearly in that category. And, so far as I am aware, there is no suggestion that he is afflicted by Tourette's Syndrome.
So why might it be happening? Well, obviously I don't and can't know, but it seems not unreasonable to suggest that it stems from increasing introversion and isolation, and that isolation is obviously hurting Marc badly. Some of the posts he makes have no apparent purpose other than to attract sympathy, and I hate – really hate – to feel that someone is so unhappy. There is among those who post here a vast reservoir of love, support and concern. OK, no-one can wave a magic wand and make all the problems go away, but the knowledge that people really care about you – even if they live thousands of miles away – is powerfully therapeutic, and I know that this site, and the off-line friendship it has generated, has helped several people through very dark periods in their lives.
Marc probably needs help more than any of us, but he is unlikely to win the support and encouragement he needs for as long as he continues to be rude, aggressive and generally unpleasant to other posters. And, frankly, I do not believe that his behaviour is something outside his control. He displays the classic symptoms of someone in the most basic state of denial – the denial that anything is wrong with him. I can’t promise a wonderful life over the rainbow – no-one can – but I CAN promise that things can become much better than they are, but the first and essential step is to accept that something is wrong. The horror stories of mid-twentieth century treatments are a thing of the past; today there is a wide range of non-addictive medications which are, in the best sense of the words – life-enhancing. I know, because I consume vast amounts of the stuff!
In many ways I am unhappy about the need to make this post, but I feel that against the background of what has recently been said by others my motives are apt to be misunderstood. I was particularly disheartened by the implication that I might be ‘venting my spleen’ – something I would never dream of doing. I recognise that by expressing opinions which I am not in a position to prove leaves me open to accusations that I am wrong, as indeed I may be, but I would suggest that there is certainly a serious problem to be addressed. I’m sure that several posters would like to see the matter swept under the carpet, but experience here shows very clearly that the problem will simply recur again and again.
There is, however, one particular reason why I have adopted my present stand. Timmy has mentioned on a number of occasions that he feels that it is inappropriate for him to take any active part in encouraging posters to stay with the forum. I fully understand his point of view, but I think that the site is a marvellous resource, and – if it is to be successful – the forum in particular needs to generate sufficient traffic to make it lively and attractive. So, for almost three years, I have contacted many of the posters who have disappeared. Some I have managed to bring back, though predictably many have left simply because the novelty had worn off. All were asked what they liked or disliked about the site; the answers were surprisingly consistent. The best thing about the forum was the fact that it allowed every poster to be himself, free from the usual social inhibitions. The worst thing was Marc’s rudeness and aggression.
That worries me a lot. Now let me stress that I have never, ever suggested that Marc (the person) was not welcome here; in fact I have on several occasions said precisely the opposite, and have emphasised that as a first-day contributor his right to be here is greater than any of the other current regulars. With one exception – apart from the present exchanges which made it virtually impossible to avoid doing so to some extent – I have never even criticised Marc (the person). That exception was an occasion when, without naming me but clearly identifying me by innuendo, he accused me of attempting to form a sexual relationship with a younger poster. Would YOU have accepted that with equanimity?
But I have, often, criticised Marc’s attitude. Usually, I’ve been at the receiving end of his rudeness, but on a number of occasions I’ve joined in because unjustified, childish spite gets right up my nose, even when it comes from children.
So, to my mind, what it comes to is this: accept the status quo and risk further damage to a valuable internet resource, or require reasonable standards of behaviour from ALL posters. Given the choice between suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or taking up arms against a sea of troubles, I would always go for the latter; oppose, and do your damnedest to end them.
And finally, I do not seek endorsements from anyone; I’m a big boy now, and I can stand up for myself. But if you disagree with what I am doing – or at least am trying to do – please, please say so – and why – either on the board or by e-mailing me. If you make a pretence of neutrality, that is a criticism of both Marc and myself; please do us both the courtesy of saying WHY you think neutrality is an appropriate course.
Cossie.
Postscript – I apologise for failing to contribute to other current threads (the Sheik from Algiers was particularly tempting) but at the moment I find it hard to focus elsewhere.
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
|
|
|
|
|
[  ] |
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
