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Good morning everyone.
I hope you all are well today. Right now, I'm listening to a beautiful song. It's called Binkan na Fuukei by Cuei. It's a truly peaceful song. And I'm in love with it. I currently have it on repeat in WinAmp.
Sorry that I haven't chatted with you all in a while. I apologize for that. It's not that I have an obligation to, but I owe it to you all to stay in touch with you. I'm sorry for that.
I'm feeling mixed feelings right now.
One of them is happiness, from the calmness that the song I'm listening to brings me. It brings a smile to my face, and makes me want to fall asleep when I hear it.
The other is a bit of guilt I guess you could say. I do have a tendancy to block people from my MSN list. Well, it's not really a tendancy, I just do it because either I'm bored, or I don't feel like talking to people. I apologize for that. Sometimes I just think that having friends is like, pointless, even though friends are really nice to have. Some other times, I think that having friends is annoying, like I wanna close the door to my room and sleep instead of hearing them all the time. Does anyone else feel like that? I'm probably not the only one who feels like that. Either way, that's part of what I'm feeling.
Does anyone ever get to a point in their lives, where they wish they could stop time? Not really stop time, but sort of stay in the moment forever? Are those moments, the special ones, are they what is truly important to us? Is the reason why we want them to continue, because we are afraid to lose them? What is it about certain times, that makes us feel 'alive'? Like we're on top of the world.
A good thing about this post, and I'm glad to tell you all about it, is that I've decided to stop my porn obsession. And I'm so glad for that. I know it's gonna take a lot of work, as does any addiction that one has. I've seen people on the Dr. Phil show get help for their addictions, and personally, I don't think I need to get in front of millions of people to get a wake up call. I mean, everyone has done things in their life that they wish they could take back, and everyone has had embarrassing moments in their lives. So why bother going on national television to relive those moments.
I apologize if my post is a bit long, I just have a lot to say I guess. It's been ages since I've posted anything on there. Remember how I mentioned (I think) at one point, that I was going to a meeting every Tuesday night because I was gay? Well now that I think about it, I'm thinking, what's the point? It's not a bad thing or anything, but why did I actually go? What was it that I wanted? To be close to someone? Perhaps, find love somehow? I wonder. I don't think you need to go to a meeting to meet people to feel special. Everyone is special, and everyone has meaning in their lives. I think that's what makes me feel 'alive.' Perhaps it is.
I've gotten into another anime. It's called 'Sola.' It's completely awesome. I'll give you a link to the first part of the first episode for you all to watch.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=lHWcc6zqI1Y
It's better then my last anime obsession, Shakugan no Shana.
Anyway, I hope that you all have a good day today.
*hugs*
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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