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I may have done something I'll regret later ... [message #49667]

Sun, 30 March 2008 12:13

On fire!

Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1563

As some here will remember, my relationship with my father has not been an easy one ... I was never the kind of sporty and gregarious son he'd wanted, and there were times when his lack of understanding manifested itself in aggression and physical abuse. My parents divorced in my early teens, and though I still kept in touch with my father, things were always strained, and came to a head when I came out to him at the age of 24. We didn't really speak after that, and he emigrated to Canada shortly afterwards, with wife #4.

For nearly 20 years we had no contact whatsoever, except that he sent me a card most Christmases which I usually didn't open, plus one to my sister (who has refused to give him her address) who did likewise. My brother, though, has kept in touch with our father, and for the past five years or so I've been getting phone calls from my father at Christmas, birthday, etc. These have gone a little bit better than expected, and lasted 20 minutes or so.

I've worked quite hard in the past few years on understanding quite why my father behaved to me - and to a lesser extent to my sister - in the way he did. In retrospect, he had a bit of a shitty upbringing from rather strict Baptist parents, and that kind of thing can be tough to escape. He's now in his mid-70s, and physically frail, living on his own in sheltered accommodation after splitting up amicably with wife #7 about 18 months ago ... I rather think he may not have long to live.

My father's sister died last year, and I went to the funeral, purely to support my brother who was going (he has, as above, kept in touch with my fathers side of the family). To my astonishment, there was a small mention in her will ... my brother suggested that he, his family, and myself should put this towards the cost of flying to Canada to visit our father (it pays about half the cost).

After mulling this over for a while, we've agreed to do it. Yesterday I got an e-mail confirming that tickets are booked from 25th July to 8th August to Vancouver.

I am now shit-scared and wondering what the hell I have got myself into!

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King

		I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: NW on Sun, 30 March 2008 12:13
		But you might regret it more if you don't...... By: marc on Sun, 30 March 2008 12:33
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: JimB on Sun, 30 March 2008 14:43
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: unsui on Sun, 30 March 2008 14:55
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: NW on Sun, 30 March 2008 16:35
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: Roger on Sun, 30 March 2008 18:10
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: CallMePaul on Sun, 30 March 2008 21:32
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: acam on Sun, 30 March 2008 21:43
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: NW on Sun, 30 March 2008 22:24
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: timmy on Mon, 31 March 2008 07:10
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: CallMePaul on Sun, 30 March 2008 22:07
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: timmy on Mon, 31 March 2008 07:12
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: CallMePaul on Mon, 31 March 2008 12:54
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: timmy on Sun, 30 March 2008 20:54
		Re: I may have done something I'll regret later ... By: JFR on Mon, 31 March 2008 07:18
		Thanks, everyone By: NW on Mon, 31 March 2008 22:33

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