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You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get frogs [message #53369]

Sat, 20 September 2008 09:01

timmy

Has no life at all

Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13828

Life gets very lonely. I took some painkillers last night which either make me sleep through, or wake me up at silly o'clock. I woke at silly o'clock, cuddling my pillow and wishing with all my heart it was alive and the boy I've yearned for since 1965. Somehow, no matter how many pillows you kiss, they never turn into princes.

I've been feeling like crying since I woke up. Bed is a lonely place. She Who Must be Obeyed sleeps elsewhere and seems to have no interest in even snuggling, so there is no point in going and crawling in beside her for comfort.

I managed to stay in bed until about 6:30. It's Saturday. I wanted a lie in. The painkillers leave me woozy and I can't drive with them, so I can't get out of the house except on foot. Not that I've anywhere to go anyway.

SWMBO came downstairs around 9:45 and told me how the kitchen cupboards weren't clean enough to put mugs in upside down. Ok, I won't do that again. I only dud it that way because the bottoms were damp. And then she muttered a lot under her breath, as usual loudly enough for me to hear that she was speaking and it was aimed AT me, but too quietly for me to be able to hear what she said. She does this all the time.

So we have had a row about it, as usual. And, as usual, she tells me that I do the same thing - a thing I do not do. I do not believe in speaking all the time, I am not a woman.

So she is downstairs having slammed a few doors and I'm sitting on my bed. Not 'our bed'. My bed.

The "funny" thing is that she expects me to share everything with her financially but she will not share anything that she has with me emotionally. Or maybe she does. Maybe the venom and spite is what she wants to share.

I'm fed up with being the strong one, the one who carries whatever remains of "us" through emotionally. I've had enough of sleeping alone, always alone, and waking up sad. I've had enough of feeling like crying.

I know my pillow won't ever turn into Johnnie, however hard I wish, and I know he and I would have fought too, if we had ever been together. But the world of illusion seems so real right now.

And I still feel like crying. I get punished twice over for everything I do. No good deed goes unpunished.

[Updated on: Sat, 20 September 2008 09:03]

Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School

		You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get frogs By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 09:01
		Scandalise the neighbours By: acam on Sat, 20 September 2008 11:34
		Re: Scandalise the neighbours By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 17:37
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get frogs By: NW on Sat, 20 September 2008 12:59
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 18:06
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: NW on Sat, 20 September 2008 18:46
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 19:14
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get frogs By: kupuna on Sat, 20 September 2008 13:14
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 18:12
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: brit on Sat, 20 September 2008 17:56
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 18:11
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: arich on Sat, 20 September 2008 17:57
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 18:13
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: arich on Sun, 21 September 2008 14:27
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sun, 21 September 2008 16:01
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: arich on Sun, 21 September 2008 20:46
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sun, 21 September 2008 20:49
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: arich on Sun, 21 September 2008 21:08
		Saturdays… By: Nigel on Sat, 20 September 2008 18:50
		Re: Saturdays… By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 18:59
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get frogs By: Roger on Sat, 20 September 2008 19:31
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 20:33
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: unsui on Sat, 20 September 2008 19:44
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 20:25
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: unsui on Sat, 20 September 2008 22:10
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2008 22:40
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: unsui on Sat, 20 September 2008 23:44
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sun, 21 September 2008 07:03
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: unsui on Sun, 21 September 2008 13:52
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sun, 21 September 2008 16:02
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get frogs By: JFR on Sun, 21 September 2008 03:14
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get frogs By: marc on Sun, 21 September 2008 13:45
		To answer you both By: timmy on Sun, 21 September 2008 17:04
		OUCH! By: acam on Sun, 21 September 2008 20:19
		Re: OUCH! By: timmy on Sun, 21 September 2008 20:50
		Re: Masturbating By: unsui on Mon, 22 September 2008 02:14
		Re: Masturbating By: acam on Mon, 22 September 2008 10:31
		Re: To answer you both By: JFR on Mon, 22 September 2008 04:55
		Re: To answer you both By: timmy on Mon, 22 September 2008 06:16
		Catus qui plantas tingere vult By: PeterSJC on Mon, 22 September 2008 09:29
		Re: To answer you both By: acam on Mon, 22 September 2008 10:35
		Re: To answer you both By: PeterSJC on Mon, 22 September 2008 10:57
		Catus amat pisces sed non vult tingere plantas. By: Nigel on Mon, 22 September 2008 11:21
		Re: Catus amat pisces sed non vult tingere plantas. By: JFR on Mon, 22 September 2008 11:52
		Found it! By: JFR on Mon, 22 September 2008 11:58
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get frogs By: Centaur on Sun, 21 September 2008 13:35
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: unsui on Sun, 21 September 2008 13:58
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: Centaur on Mon, 22 September 2008 00:14
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: unsui on Mon, 22 September 2008 01:53
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get frogs By: Roger on Sun, 21 September 2008 15:42
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Sun, 21 September 2008 15:57
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: Centaur on Mon, 22 September 2008 00:16
		Re: You have to kiss a lot of pillows, and you still get fro By: timmy on Mon, 22 September 2008 06:14
		Mike By: acam on Sun, 21 September 2008 20:34
		Re: Mike By: timmy on Sun, 21 September 2008 20:47
		Re: Mike By: acam on Sun, 21 September 2008 21:38
		Re: Mike By: timmy on Sun, 21 September 2008 21:43
		Re: Mike By: Roger on Sun, 21 September 2008 22:30
		Re: Mike By: Roger on Sun, 21 September 2008 22:31
		Re: Mike By: pipo on Mon, 22 September 2008 11:49
		Re: Mike By: Centaur on Mon, 22 September 2008 00:13
		Re: Welcome By: brit on Mon, 22 September 2008 00:02
		Re: Welcome By: Centaur on Mon, 22 September 2008 00:07
		Black days By: Fingolfin on Mon, 22 September 2008 09:38
		Re: Black days By: acam on Mon, 22 September 2008 11:00
		Re: Black days By: Fingolfin on Mon, 22 September 2008 11:13
		Re: Black days By: timmy on Mon, 22 September 2008 17:24

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