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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13818
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He wasn't a demon, of course. He was just a kid. But that kid was my lifetime's obsession.
The book that I have completed and which is being edited right now deals with my teenage years and my love for him, and it, plus seeing a picture of him online as he is today, have created the opportunity for me to put him behind me.
I have no more obsession. This is good, because my obsessive personality does not normally let go of things at all!
If he were willing I am at the stage where we could be simple friends. he is not, of course, and I no longer wish for it. I love who he was in my mind when we were kids, but I have realised that, at least inthe final year I was at school, he was not entirely likeable. He was not nice, and did not deserve the awe and esteem I held him in.
I am almost certainly free at last.
My wife is very pleased. She still feels sometimes that she was second best (not so, just different) but she understands more about me each day.
I have not posted this for congratulations, they would be premature. I have posted it to show that it can be done.
I have had many good friends around me. Although unfair to single one out I will. Megaman, our anonymous powerhouse behind the site, has been there for me for many years, and his encouragement, his shoulder that I have cried on many times, has been instrumental in helping me find the courage to do this.
I could have done this without him, eventually. Instead he has just been there, even when I was unbearable and upset, and made it possible for me to do this now. Others have been, too. But he seems to have infinite patience with me. And I am saying Thank you in as much public as he will allow. Not that he knows yet. I will have to show him the post.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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