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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13828
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Max just posted that he is a wooden hugger. So many men lack hugging skills, possibly because we are schooled to show no emotion towards other men. We can all learn hugging skills.
There is nothing more wonderful than a good hug, freely given, freely accepted. Not a back-slapping Man Hug, but a real hug, a hug of friendship. So I wondered how I might advise Max and others with Dyshugia
A good hug is substantial and yielding at the same time. It's firmer than a snuggle, and is far from formal, and has no relationship with a wrestling match.
I'd love to hear other folk's views of hugging, man to man.
When I hug anyone I mean it. I put me into the hug. I open my arms, soften my stance, and embrace the other person. I enfold them in my arms and I grasp them with soft firmness. I do not aim to squeeze, nor to I aim to allow wriggle room, and I am certainly yielding even though I am the initiator. I grasp assertively and offer myself softly at the same time. And the only person in my world when I hug is the person I'm hugging.
They have my undivided attention. I need to convey emotion to them, to convey respect, friendship, safety, warmth, strength of mind but not huge physical strength. I need to know when they wish to break the hug and allow it to dissolve naturally at that precise point.
I am firm yet yielding. At the point I hug them whoever they are, because I have chosen to hug them I convey love to them.
I have to do this without any hint of eroticism, without frottage, without snuggling, and wordlessly. The hug is a mixture of emotional surrender and strength but never dominance nor submission. That is an interesting paradox.
I never back-slap. I am not embarrassed to hug or to show emotion. I accept the self conscious back slap from the hugged person if they must do that, but I never return it, not ever. A hug is too important to deface with the vandalism of back-slapping.
I hug men and women alike. With women one must also be aware that they may move to the cheek to cheek kiss, and I will allow that if she stiffens or recoils from the hug. After all, it is comfort I want to project, not dominance.
What do you reckon, Max, does that help a little?
Who would like to add to the skill description?
There is truly nothing that transfers emotion better than a real hug where each gives a little of themselves. And it's not always easy to achieve.
[Updated on: Sat, 13 March 2010 11:12]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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