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Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady [message #63515]

Thu, 02 September 2010 22:28

kiwi

Likes it here

Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317

(This is not mine - i pinched it from a news-site blog, but i think it's brilliant.)

What is it to be a man? How do we define the qualities, attributes and characteristics that leave us in no doubt that one of our fellow humans is of the masculine gender? Is it the ability to put kitset furniture together? Is it the furry pelt of body hair? Is it caring about sport? Some or all of these may apply to a man you know, or maybe none of them. But universal amongst the menfolk is incontrovertibly, undeniably, unquestionably the "peeing standing up" thing. All guys, everywhere (with the possible exception of guys in wheelchairs) pee standing up. On this we can depend.

Except in Germany.

Apparently, it is now very common for German men to sit down to urinate. I know. I was confused and amazed in equal measure too. I've never been to Germany, though it being a foreign country you've got to assume that there are differences in custom and etiquette and language. For instance, in the German language you can have massively long words that look like whole sentences with the spaces taken out, like 'Niederschlagswahrscheinlichkeit' which apparently means "probability of precipitation" and there's that whole wearing plaid a lot and going for walks "val-deri, val-dera with knapsacks on their backs" sort of carry on that I have never really understood. But you know, vive la difference. Each to their own. Rah, rah, rah it's a small world after all.

But I really wouldn't have thought that standing and peeing was one of those things that would be affected by culture. I thought it was an immutable law that every man-creature since Homo erectus onwards, upon discovering they could pee standing up...did. As far as I was aware Y chromosome = toilet seats up. But if German men have abandoned the practice wholesale then clearly it's not so straightforward. Apparently teutonic men have no problem with peeing like a lady...and presumably teutonic women across the nation are a) not falling into the bowl in the middle of the night because the seat's been left up, or b) tut-tutting over droplets of wee on the seat. How civilised.

Of course, my favourite thing about this story is my discovery of the word for those who take a seat when they wizz. Ladies and germs, please allow me to introduce to you my new favourite piece of vocabulary..."sitzpinkler". Say it a few times out loud if you like. Sitsss-pink-lar. Isn't it great?

But with regards to this discussion on sitting vs standing we shouldn't forget that technology has given us lady-folk the means to break the gender barrier in the form of the Shewee, which, if you're not aware, is a plastic funnel-shaped device that lets you direct your wee into toilets or containers or against trees and presumably allows you to write your name in the snow. I bought my friend one of these for her last birthday as a gag gift (because we have a history of retaliatory gift-giving). She was really embarrassed and kind of appalled by it. Even now when I sometimes mention it (which I do semi-regularly so as to extend the torture, because that is how I show people that I like them) she gets a pained, uncomfortable look on her face. It's great, though I am a little apprehensive about what she might get for me for my birthday this year. But my defence was that the Shewee was an obvious answer to the question "What do you get the woman who has everything?"

So where do you stand or sit on the (hopefully not burning) issue of peeing stance (or lack of it)? Gentlemen, do you ever sit when you could stand? Can you see this becoming a habit? Ladies, have you ever Shewee-ed? Does any of this matter at all as long as it doesn't end up on the seat?

Okay, now i'd better go & do some work.

cheers

Commas matter - 'Party on Dudes' is not the same as 'Party on, Dudes'

		Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady By: kiwi on Thu, 02 September 2010 22:28
		Good on you, Kiwi ... By: The Gay Deceiver on Thu, 02 September 2010 23:24
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady By: Nigel on Fri, 03 September 2010 07:14
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady By: acam on Fri, 03 September 2010 08:33
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady By: ray2x on Sat, 04 September 2010 03:43
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady By: timmy on Sat, 04 September 2010 22:06
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady By: kiwi on Sat, 04 September 2010 22:13
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady By: timmy on Sat, 04 September 2010 22:27
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady By: chrisjames147 on Sat, 04 September 2010 22:15
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady By: timmy on Sat, 04 September 2010 22:24
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Lady By: Nigel on Sun, 05 September 2010 07:47
		Nigel, I find you guilty as charged ... By: cossie on Sun, 05 September 2010 07:09
		Re: Nigel, I find you guilty as charged ... By: Nigel on Sun, 05 September 2010 07:51
		Tsk, tsk, Nigel ... By: cossie on Mon, 06 September 2010 01:32
		Surely the advantages of sitting are obvious .... By: cossie on Sun, 05 September 2010 07:09
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Woman By: acam on Mon, 06 September 2010 16:24
		Re: Walk like a Man, Pee like a Woman By: kiwi on Mon, 06 September 2010 19:31
		SWMBO? By: acam on Mon, 06 September 2010 20:04
		Re: SWMBO? By: acam on Mon, 06 September 2010 20:07

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