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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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That one feels harder to me! Sure it's not the teenage angst I went through over sexuality, but the down periods over being gay for me were intense and short-lived. Trying to deal with "adult life" has kept me in a low-state for years...
I'm still studying... At 25, having been doing my 3 year course for 6 years. It sucks. Hard. But I should be finished within about 9 months now. It's given me more motivation now I have an end in sight. But I have terrible habits I can't seem to shake.
I'm still with Ryan and things are going well there, but despite both being adults we're not grown ups. We're both still acting like kids in a lot of ways. I don't know if the early to mid twenties was a hard transition for anyone else. But I just can't ever see myself as a successful adult- with a full-time job, (kids? if that's possible), relationship, mortgage, etc, etc. All while keeping a clean and orderly house and doing social things with friends. We're mostly independent, his dad shares a house with us, but we do our own meals, etc. We don't eat well, though and his dad has to do more than a fair share of the cleaning. Money is a constant stress- even though we're being supported to study it never feels like it's enough but neither of us is willing to put concerted effort into finding part-time work.
It all feels too much. It's overwhelming to think about. So I try not to, and I try to just focus on my studies. But it's hard and I get distracted by "hobbies" (which include this forum).
Being gay isn't very important to me at the moment. I'm too busy trying to deal with being an adult. I'm glad Ryan and I can live together without fear. I'm glad both our names can be on the bills. I'd like to have the choice to get married or not some day. But other than an interest none of that is really important right now. We have other things that need to get on track. I'm lucky that instead of worrying about being physically assaulted or arrested for my sexuality instead I get to worry about the kinds of things straight couples in their 20s worry about. But it's not a huge comfort =(
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Coming out? What about growing up!
By: saben on Thu, 09 September 2010 05:23 |
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Re: Coming out? What about growing up!
By: saben on Thu, 09 September 2010 05:26 |
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This thread, and you own two posts starting if off ...
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Re: This thread, and you own two posts starting if off ...
By: saben on Thu, 09 September 2010 06:04 |
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Thank you ...
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Re: Coming out? What about growing up!
By: NW on Thu, 09 September 2010 07:21 |
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Re: Coming out? What about growing up!
By: M on Thu, 09 September 2010 22:48 |
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Don't think you've got too much of a problem, Saben.
By: cossie on Fri, 10 September 2010 02:40 |
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Re: Don't think you've got too much of a problem, Saben.
By: ray2x on Sat, 11 September 2010 04:06 |
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