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Recently a group of friends had a discussion. Someone made the comment that something was SO gay. the inference was not meaning that it was campy but that it was lame, undesirable or however you want to say it.
When it turned into milieu I realized that this is an issue which carries a lot of opinion. So I thought I would share some of those here and gather some of your opinions in comment. So please do voice your opinion, even if it is not popular or congruent with the tone and tenor of this article. Debate is how we refresh our truth.
The content was like this. XZY group is gay. I should also mention that in this conversation most were gay, a couple bi. I mention this because I think it has bearing.
One person spoke up and said, "Please don't say that. It perpetuates a stereotype that we are trying to get away from."
Well that started a very heated debate. Another said that the language being a living language evolved to have a new or different meaning than it did originally. though that definition was never really made clear to me other than to show that something was of lessor desirability.
Now, here are my thoughts on this.
First let me say that the first time I heard the term gay was way back in the 1960's when gays were trying to get away from the terms Queer and Faggot. Homosexual was at that time way too clinical and we were trying to convince the world we were not mentally ill.
So as time went on, I think it was in early 1970's when I heard it used for the first time in a derogatory fashion. As in, "What, are you gay or something?"
It was usually not really a question but an accusation. And later used as trend control by the ones in high schools that try and control public opinion and become powerful. If Mark liked a particular style shoe and he was looking to take some of the attention away from Ken, then Ken would make a comment like, those shoes are so gay. Meaning that only a homosexual would wear those.
Peer pressure being what it is, anybody that didn't want to be painted as queer didn't hang with Mark and didn't ever wear those shoes to school.
Now here is where it gets tricky. To straights, I think that "Gay" has only one meaning. Homosexual. At least subliminally at the very least. But to many of our gay youth, they have become desensitized to the point that they actually use it themselves. And not merely as camouflage.
For instance, someone might look at an out fit and say, Honey I'm not even gay enough to wear that. Or Christ he is so gay. Meaning campy. But it's usage is so casual that it is easy to accept as a non homosexual ding at something. I think we as a community are sometimes our own worst advertising.
I think that it qualifies as hate speech and actually does indeed, whether overtly or subliminally, tie being homosexual to being something undesirable.
Doubt that? Try substituting the word "retard" for gay. It had the same connotation before gay. It referred to a person of diminished capacity. The truly sad part is it was often used in front of such people in a derogatory manner as if they were not aware of the words being said. Having worked with the MR I know all they wanted was to be loved, accepted and left alone. Sound familiar?
It also makes the point that it is indeed a form of hate speech.
I also think it hurts the movement to normalize homosexuality, bisexuality and all the others in the family of non-heterosexuality to society and as long as we perpetuate that stereotype of gay equals lessor quality or being undesirable we will never find the equality we seek for ourselves and all the gays to come after us.
Words mean things and we can't hope to sway society when we ourselves are telling them their current beliefs are correct.
I close with this final thought. the first time I heard it used as a negative I was so deep in the closet that I wished for death rather than someone find out. When I heard that boy say that something was so gay, his meaning was clear, It was something to be hated and avoided.
In my mind I cried these tears, "Please don't hate me. I'm not bad. All I want is someone to love and love me back. If you make them hate me I will always be alone."
Words mean things.
Whether it has evolved or not. I think it's both, hurtful and wrong.
I'm sure there are some of you that will think this whole article is gay.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
The following information has been taken from the Lifeguard workshop in both the elementary and jr. High as well as the High School Curriculum from The Trevor Project. An organization that deals with teen suicides. This is an educational workshop. This excerpt taken from page 8:
Addressing the Impact of our Language and Actions
Ask the students to brainstorm a list of all the terms they have heard, used and can think of to describe people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender(and write all the terms on the board). It is okay and should be encouraged here for them to list negative terms as well—this will make the discussion questions more valuable.
After they have completed shouting out words, ask them then to go back and circle all of the words that can be used “offensively” or “to hurt someone.” The likely result is that nearly all or all of the words will be circled. Follow-up questions include:
How would someone who identifies as LGBTQ feel knowing that nearly every word used to describe them can also be used to hurt them?
1. Have you ever used or heard the phrase, “That’s so gay?” What do you think is meant by that phrase? How do you think someone who is LGBTQ
2. would feel if they heard someone say that?
Do you think that is why there are LGBTQ people right here at your school who are too scared to come out? How would someone who identifies as or
3. is perceived to be LGBTQ be treated here at your school?
Are there any other groups you can think of where nearly every word used to describe them is also hurtful? If so, what groups?
4. What do you think the outcomes of all this negative language are on the feelings and thoughts of (young) people who identify as LGBTQ?
5. In response to this discussion question, it is likely that participants will identify feelings such as “sad,” “depressed,” “anxious,” or even “suicidal.” Use these feelings they name as a bridge from helping them understand the impact of their language and actions into a discussion of suicide. The first goal of the workshop has been met when participants have begun to examine how language (including stereotyping and assumptions) can impact a young LGBTQ person’s self-esteem and well-being, and lead to depression and suicidal thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
These workshops are free and may be found:
The Trevor Project
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
Wisdom does not come with age. It occurs because of it.
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It's not alright if this is SO Gay! 
