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IRONY: We ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones that ignore us, love the ones who hurt us & hurt the ones that love us.
Today I am feeling like I am at rock-bottom and starting to dig. For those who do not know my story, you can check the archives of this site for my post of March 28, 2010... or not. Whatever. Damn.
Anyone who does remember (or even cares), after 11 months of not knowing why my boyfriend (Peter) of 12 or so years suddenly stopped talking to me or even respond to my text messages, I decided a few days ago to visit him to get some closure. He is a manager of a public business so it wasn't like I was barging into an office building or anything like that.
Anyway, he seemed surprised to see me and awkwardly brushed me off with something about being busy in conference calls all day but said I could call him later. This gave me some hope that there may have been just a mis-communication and nothing more. Right. Not likely.
Today, I find that he has not only changed his number, but has un-friended me on Facebook. OK, I can take a hint. I'll leave you the fuck alone. I don't want to be one of those creepy stalker dudes. Fuck. All I wanted was some closure. A reason. Just to know why. I thought we had it good all those years and was never led to believe otherwise. The door was just slammed in my face. It sucks being a gay man who is also married. I just want the best of both worlds and don't want to hurt anyone along the way.
I torture myself, and die inside just a little bit each time I do so. I just don't know how much more of this fucking shit I can handle. Why do I have to be this way???? I just want to be a normal guy with a normal life.
Other than my virtual friends here, Peter was the only contact I had with that side of me. Now that I know for sure that he is out of my life, I feel like 80% of me has been torn away and discarded like Tuesday's trash. There is not much left of me. It hurts. I have lost.
-Peter
I prefer guys that don't come in a box.
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