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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13818
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Most of you know I have spent my life fighting to rid myself of the obsessive 'love' for the boy I fell for at 13. It has had odd consequences. I express the major one as loneliness. You see I no longer have 'things' I used to have:- my fantasy of him has gone
- I can no longer find his face appealing
- the memories I had I know, now, to be false, even of things that actually happened
Things like that take some time to become good things. Right now I know they will, because everything else I've worked for has come good, but it sucks at times. Imagine lying in bed wanting the old erotic fantasy back, but it refuses to load?
None of these were comfy things, but they were things I built false hopes on. The hope building was the lonely part, but learning that for myself makes it seem the lonelier.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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