|
|
I just don't know what to do anymore... It's been 10 years, 3 days and 23.5 hours and it still Hurts like a Bitch.
My story is, in many ways, very similar to timmy's. I fell for a guy I could never have. All it took was a fading glance a the slightest touch to know that I would do anything for Kurt.
December 3rd 2001 is a day that I will never forget but often wish never happened at all. I also know that speaking with Kurt would surely help me realign my feelings and views of the whole event but its trying to find him and keep him in one place for any period of time is the next mission.
Last night was the first time in ages that I actually let the emotions get the better of me and I totally broke down... I cried for what felt like a life time, then when I had eventually managed to compose myself I realised how angry I was.
I still can't say whether I was more angry with myself for letting the emotions breakthrough or if I was angry with Kurt for the hold I'd allowed him to still have on me (Which I guess would mean that I am double angry with myself).
And so after I'd gotten the panic attack out the way, more crying seemed like the next most logical step.
Leonardo DiCaprio's character in the movie 'The Beach' hit the nail on the head: When you develop an infatuation for someone you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason. Taking photographs of the night sky, for example. Now, in the long run, that's just the kind of dumb, irritating habit that would cause you to split up. But in the haze of infatuation, it's just what you've been searching for all these years..
I'm going out of my mind at a rate of knots with my feelings growing more intense with every passing day... I'm so confused and really just don't know what to do anymore... Do you think that hypnosis would work in blocking it all out?
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive? Not that is a suicide threat I really do like the land of the living but I just find that I feel less and less inclined to do anything with myself.
I've become a recluse, uninterested in the world, feeling like I am just wasting time, hopelessly and aimlessly wondering the Planes of solitude waiting for the time when it all GETS BETTER.
It DOES get better of that I've no doubt but how long it is going to take to get better is the million dollar question:-???  ?? ??
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
10 years ago and it still Hurts like a Bitch... 
