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A serious question if I may  [message #69365] Fri, 27 March 2015 15:35 Go to previous message
Topher is currently offline  Topher

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Location: Surrey, UK
Registered: March 2015
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It may be that the I am being just a little bit silly here or somewhat affected by these current romance stories that I am reading at the moment. It got me wondering if anyone has encountered the romantic passion as displayed in some of the stories?

I have been truly gripped by say the stories by Michal Arram. Personally, as a gay man I am a utter and total failure. I should have my membership revoked and cast among the straights for the use that I am. I am not bitter at being should a total loss in this respect because you can't succeed at everything - I have managed to keep the house plants alive. As I read these wonderful stories into the early hours on the old iPad and I find myself wondering what it must be like to be kissed by some one or even acknowledged that I am alive. I am not the shy timed sort by any means but I do freely admit that I am totally void of any sex appeal or looks, although I do recall the looks improved during the last power cut that we had. My mother used to say to me as a teenager, that I had a face that only a mother could love.

As a teenager I ached to have a romantic something or other. I admit that the closed culture of the 80's wouldn't allow this to be possible without risking serious injury. I do wonder if the modern teenager knows how lucky they are! I am very successful at making friends because I bring healing into the lives of other people. I would certainly class myself as the big brother type to most of my gay friends who do sincerely love me in that function. As I it would seem rapidly approach my fifties it would seem to me almost certain now that I'll never hear that long ached for phrase, 'I love you'. Those guys that I have thought of uttered that too in the past have reacted from that stinging look of sympathy in their eyes to abject horror or the worse one was nervous laughter never to be seen again. Having said that I am not that kind of guy who spends hours on the internet longingly looking at profile after profile. I focus on other things that I know I can be good at without inflicting pain or nausea on other who just want to pick up the boy in the very tight jeans in the hope of a good lay.

There must be other romantics out there who have come together based on to start with the physical but what keeps them together is the emotional connection. Some authors have used the phrase 'devotional love' and my question is simple. Can these words become real? Does true love live in the gay world or am I just banging my head against that unmovable brick wall?

The romantic in me says there is still hope but the realist keeps saying to me that I'll go to my grave without ever once feeling a warm embrace or hear sweet words whispered in my ears that come directly from the heart.

I have laid myself genuinely open and I would hope to get a genuine answer in return. I am not looking for cruelness because I have had far too many years of that already. 

Thanks for reading and more thanks for answering.

Chris

[Updated on: Fri, 27 March 2015 17:24] by Moderator
 
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