saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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They say deleting that kind of thing is better. But I find it hard to let go of things or move on.
So today I was reading some old logs of chats with the guy I had (have) feelings for.
In the moment I felt so justified in what I was saying, but reading them back... Damn I said some stupid things. I'm surprised he put up with me as much as he did.
Strangely, allowing my obsession to see itself clearly in the mirror, laid bare, I felt it wither quite substantially. I'm not totally over him and perhaps never will be and never want to be. He was and probably always will be special to me. I hope I can keep him as a friend without it reigniting craziness.
The level of obsession I held was quite creepy, to be honest. I hope I can fight off those kinds of feelings in the future.
Letting go of my feelings for him, though, means that for the first time in probably 13 years I'm more single than I've been. I have no boyfriend, no obsession, no ongoing casual arrangement. I'm trying to enjoy it and feel free, rather than feeling alone.
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