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icon4.gif So your friend is gay? Big deal!  [message #66370] Mon, 05 December 2011 03:11
Brody Levesque is currently offline  Brody Levesque

Really getting into it
Location: US/Canada
Registered: September 2009
Messages: 733



WASHINGTON -- There are days that I feel completely beat down by the restless onslaught of anti-gay rhetoric and pure crap that spews forth from so-called religious and 'family-values' groups. I realise that in most cases, it's about the money- let's face it folks, demonising LGBTQ people is very profitable.

Here's a classic example: Loudoun County Virginia Supervisor Eugene A. Delgaudio (R-Sterling) makes around $40K per annum as a part-time elected official. Granted, that's not a hug chunk of change but it's not insignificant. But what lets Delgaudio really rake in the dollars, is the $150K plus a year he makes as the self entitled 'Public Advocate of the United States,' a one-man anti-gay propaganda machine he runs out of a run down tiny office in a converted old retail store on the Leesburg Pike in the Bailey's Crossroads of the Falls Church section of Fairfax County, Virginia. His whole operation consists of warnings posted on his webpage and e-mail blasts warning Americans that the homosexuals are gonna take over schools, rape & pillage, and force their 'homosexual agenda' down the throats of every "decent god fearing American." Of course, woven through out these rants are pleas for "your dollars" to help Eugene in his Titanic struggle against the god-less homos.

I could cite other examples- but I won't. Here's the thing, the reason people like Eugene are so successful at separating everyday citizens from their money is simply because there truly isn't anyone countering their message. The LGBTQ Equality Rights Groups? I have seen little or no evidence that what a number of persons refer to as 'Gay Inc.' has any inclination to counter Eugene and his ilk by reaching out directly to the people who count the most in arresting the bigotry, hate speech or misconceptions, the folks I refer to as the 'Mom, Apple Pie, Chevrolet, and Wal-Mart customers.'

Where are the gay positive 15, 30, or even 60 second adverts on national broadcast media? How about adverts in national print publications and newspapers? Where is the much needed campaign to reshape public opinion? All I have seen are damage control efforts and gratuitous portrayals on shows like Glee for example or those seemingly few and far between role models in various fields of endeavor such as sports and entertainment. By the way, I am not disparaging these efforts but rather I contend that they're not enough.

The slain San Francisco City Supervisor Harvey Milk kept pushing the mantra when he was alive; "You've got to come out-you must come out." Supervisor Milk's position was that if LGBTQ persons are seen as simply what they truly are-human beings, then the so-called 'threat' factor to other citizens would be mitigated. While I agree with Milk, I also realise that more can and must be done in this regard.

I ran across this brilliant piece today in the Hindustan Times, published by New Deli, India based writer Sonal Kalra entitled 'So your friend is gay? Big deal!' Ms. Kalra effectively illustrates exactly my point:

Last week, I got two mails from two very different individuals, but with a thread of irony connecting them. One mail was from a young college student, Kabir, from Delhi. ‘I’m gay. I’ve totally accepted this reality of my life, though my family and friends don’t know yet, though I’m sure they suspect. Now, I want to tell my best friend. But, I don’t know how he’ll react. What if he starts avoiding me once I tell him? I don’t want to lose his friendship.”

The other mail, interestingly in a gap of just two days, was from 18-year-old Akshit in Lucknow. “I have a serious problem. I’ve come to know that my best friend is gay. He’s not yet told me, but I feel he soon will. I’m absolutely cool with it, but I don’t know what’s the right way to react when he tells me. I don’t want to lose his friendship.”
Now look at this! The first thought that came to my mind after reading these was how most of our life’s stresses are because we are caught up in mind-webs of our own. We spend more time imagining and worrying about others’ reactions than dealing with things when and if they actually happen.
[...]
I just want to say that I’ve had enough of people categorising something as basic and private as sexual orientation — homo or hetero — as a problem. I would say there’s a ‘problem’ if you or your friend is a pervert, dishonest, cheat, thief, ill-mannered (a crime in my dictionary. Yours?). Different sexual preference? I’m sorry, but no ‘problem’ there, my friend. Still, if it is stressing you out, there have to be calmness tips. Here’s my advice for Akshit and all those to whom a friend, or a family member has confessed to be homosexual

1.No drama, please: I don’t know why we think it’s imperative to react to every bit of news. I’m not saying you act indifferent to what someone tells you, but there’s no need for a dramatic reaction to everything in life. If a friend tells you he or she is gay, do NOT say something like ‘Haww. How come?’ or ‘Are you sure?’ or the worst of the lot — ‘It’s okay. I still love you.’ If you use the word ‘still’ as if they’ve told you about some crime they’ve committed, I will beat you up. I mean it. C’mon, man. Somebody is sharing a very, very private part of their life with you. Don’t let the stupidity of your own beliefs come in the way of reacting sensibly. Just tell them you love them, and leave it at that. I still vividly remember an evening 12 years back when one of my close friends told me she’s homosexual. All I felt at that time was, ‘My god, she must trust me a lot to share this with me.’ And my only response to her was, ‘Thanks for telling me.’ It’s one of the few things I’m still proud of. Be sincere. Be honest. Be simple. No tamasha.

2. Don’t let it bother you: Frankly, I don’t believe in beating the chest and saying, ‘I support the rights of gays and lesbians,’ because that just segregates them from other people, when they are no different. I don’t care if you attend marches or parades holding placards. If you really want to make a difference, do just one thing. Don’t treat them differently. That’s it. Hate a gay friend if he or she is a bad friend. Just like you would have hated a straight friend for the same reason. Love them as much, not more, as you would have loved any other good friend.

I honestly don’t think what anyone does behind closed bedroom doors should make a difference to your friendship with them, unless they are doing something to harm you. The thought of homosexuality creeps you out? Fair enough. Who’s asking you to like it? But how does that give you the right to be unreasonable or mocking towards someone who does? Don’t judge people for feelings they can’t control.

I fail to understand why our society, including our cinema, believes in mostly portraying gays as comic characters. At the same time, I fail to understand why a lot of homosexuals are sensitive about that, because that would only mean taking a joke seriously, when it’s not supposed to be. I have a lot of gay friends, just as I have plenty of straight friends. Some are funny, some are a real pain. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with their orientation. Base your friendship on what sort of a person they are… trustworthy, truthful, sincere. Not what gender turns them on, because that’s none of your business. The day you get that fact firmly in your head, you would be sorted in life. And it’s a good feeling.

I REALLY like this columnist folks, and she wraps up with another brilliant observation:

And puhleez, don’t get into an overdrive of trying to understand the psyche of those who just can’t get their heads around homosexuality. The more you try to convince someone, the more it would seem as if your self-respect is dependant on that someone getting convinced. I’m sorry, but it.is.not. It’s OKAY if they don’t understand how you feel. Some things people are just not meant to get. Big deal.

By the way, go read her entire column here: http://www.hindustantimes.com/News-Feed/LifeStyle/So-your-friend-is-gay-Big-deal/Article1-777500.aspx

Look, the truth is that 'corporate christians' and bozos like Eugene are going to continue to successfully take money from those who are ignorant of not only the LGBTQ community, but the real 'christian' intent of folks like Delgaudio. What we need more of is folks like Sonal Kalra to help spread the reality that needs to be heard everyday... So your friend is gay? Big deal!

Brody Levesque is Washington Bureau Chief for LGBTQNation Magazine.
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