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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Sexual consent explained
Sexual consent explained  [message #70450] Wed, 28 October 2015 16:27 Go to next message
timmy

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Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70452 is a reply to message #70450] Wed, 28 October 2015 17:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Kitzyma is currently offline  Kitzyma

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It doesn't mention what to do if they really want tea, you give them tea, they happily drink the tea, thank you for it, and the next day they:
a) felt really guilty because tea was strongly disapproved of by their family and/or religion, so they regretted it and, just in case their family found out, wanted to put the blame on you, saying you forced them;
or
b) feel ill and regret drinking it, so blame you, saying you should have known they were allergic to it, and sued you for damages;
or
c) were pissed off that you didn't want to have tea with them any more, so got revenge by saying you forced them to have tea.

As there were no other witnesses present when you had tea, it just depends on who is a more convincing witness and how biased the jury (or society) is.

The only absolutely safe way to have sex is to use condoms and record the whole thing, both participants keeping a copy. If the recording technology isn't available, then have three witnesses, one a friend of yours, one a friend of your sex partner, and one an independent stranger you've both picked at random.

[Updated on: Wed, 28 October 2015 19:08]

Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70454 is a reply to message #70452] Wed, 28 October 2015 20:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
The Gay Deceiver is currently offline  The Gay Deceiver

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>The only absolutely safe way to have sex is to use condoms and record the whole thing, both participants keeping a copy. If the recording technology isn't available, then have three witnesses, one a friend of yours, one a friend of your sex partner, and one an independent stranger you've both picked at random.<

With that many people involved in documenting that the sex was indeed "safe" and "with consent", why not just hand out towels and a bar of soap to everyone present asking all to disrobe, take a shower and then simply let the orgy begin.

Warren C. E. Austin
The Gay Deceiver
Toronto, Canada



"... comme recherché qu'un délice callipygian"
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70455 is a reply to message #70454] Wed, 28 October 2015 22:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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"The Gay Deceiver wrote on Wed, 28 October 2015 20:30"
>The only absolutely safe way to have sex is to use condoms and record the whole thing, both participants keeping a copy. If the recording technology isn't available, then have three witnesses, one a friend of yours, one a friend of your sex partner, and one an independent stranger you've both picked at random.<

With that many people involved in documenting that the sex was indeed "safe" and "with consent", why not just hand out towels and a bar of soap to everyone present asking all to disrobe, take a shower and then simply let the orgy begin.

Warren C. E. Austin
The Gay Deceiver
Toronto, Canada


--
I think someone has to make the tea.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70460 is a reply to message #70450] Thu, 29 October 2015 02:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ChrisR is currently offline  ChrisR

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Not to mention the fact that for some readers here the act may be perfectly okay but the recording of it could put them on a pervert list for life, even if for personal consumption!
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70461 is a reply to message #70460] Thu, 29 October 2015 02:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Smokr is currently offline  Smokr

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What does it say that I was constantly annoyed by the errors in the subtitles?



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Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70463 is a reply to message #70461] Thu, 29 October 2015 14:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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Quote:
Smokr wrote on Thu, 29 October 2015 02:59What does it say that I was constantly annoyed by the errors in the subtitles?

--
I think that means you prefer to drink tea, not to read about the drinking of it.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70479 is a reply to message #70463] Sat, 31 October 2015 05:04 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Smokr is currently offline  Smokr

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It just gets tedious making tea for one.
LOL



raysstories.com
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70480 is a reply to message #70479] Sat, 31 October 2015 05:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ChrisR is currently offline  ChrisR

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Quote:
Smokr wrote on Sat, 31 October 2015 05:04It just gets tedious making tea for one.
LOL

--
And thinking of all those lonely ... spouts.
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70504 is a reply to message #70480] Wed, 04 November 2015 01:46 Go to previous messageGo to next message
larkinjet is currently offline  larkinjet

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Although Timmy's clip was polite, civilized and almost Victorian it seems to wring the very life out of spontaneous or opportunistic sex. The kind of sex most men are partial to.My most treasured moments were of being seduced by a bad boy who was always in trouble and whose life was govern by mischief and disobedience. The excitement was unbearable..In contrast, later in life if I was being sized up as prey by someone I wasn't interested in or maybe I just wasn't in the "mood".I would stand up and say, "Thanks for the tea but I must be going." (This is when no means no...) Anything less means, ...yes.If a woman sleeps with a man and then afterwards regrets it and then claims that she was raped is not valid in my book. Being drunk or sober is a personal responsibility. In all the years I went clubing I never once heard about date rape drug being used on anyone by anyone.It was more often that I heard the squealing voice, "EXTC! oh please, gimmie one!"Genuine forceful rape is actually pretty rare and is and should be a jaileble offense.Camille Paglia says to women, "If you don't want to have sex, don't go alone to his room because if you do, it will probably happen."She says, "It's biology." Something feminist absolutely hate to hear.
As usual, I am a dissenting voice on this forum.Girls look for romance first. They want to know that the guy likes her and they must have to like him before embarking in a sexual encounter. It has to be just right or they'll be problems later on.Boys are just the opposite. Sex is their primary interest. They are not thinking of relationships or even romance. They might be oblivious at first but then they are quickly thinking of getting off. Often with it is with school chums that can be very close friendships but not necessarily love affairs. It can also be a one time anonymous encounter. (they happen)
Look at the lives of Joe Orton. Jean Cocteau, Genet and Wilde.Like straight people, gay crushes are very common but crushes are not love. Real love arises out of actual physical encounters.Girls and boys are different. With boys, sex is primary. As sensitive and passive as a gay boy might be, sex is still the primary driving force. Otherwise, why bother being gay in the first place?To sum up my position, I am against imitating heterosexual norms. Being, gay, queer or homosexual is a variation that is different. Why pretend that it isn't?



“Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind. ”
― George Orwell
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70508 is a reply to message #70504] Wed, 04 November 2015 10:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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No, you are not a dissenting voice. I have not yet expressed an opinion.

There are degrees of drunk. Too drunk to speak = no consent. No consent = rape. But what possible fun is it t have sex with someone too drunk to speak or respond?

Saying yes and then saying no is a repugnant situation. We have to assume the last expression is the one meant. Maybe it was the sight of him naked that turned the naysayer off.

Dressing like a hooker is not consent. Nor, to be fair, is it very attractive.

The concept of interrupting a natural flow to get a written signature on a 5 part carbonless form is ridiculous. Get into bed with him or her, especially naked, and sex will happen. The feminists say that there has to be explicit consent, because everyone who owns a penis is guilty of rape.

Forcing someone against their will is rape.

Fifty Shades of Grey (not read it, but I understand BDSM) is not.

Gay men are more awkward. Men are naked with men very often with no thought that sex will take place. Locker rooms, gym showers, are places where we are naked casually. I do not expect someone else's todger to intrude into my body in a venue like that. It's impolite without asking!

Two blokes sharing a room does not mean sex is inevitable, Megaman and I regularly share a room on vacation. We are best friends, not lovers. Sex is simply not on the agenda, though we have never spoken of it. We are two gay men.

Man and woman sharing a room does not mean sex is inevitable nor consented to. These are sleeping arrangements.

Soames Forsyte raped his wife.

So the area is very unclear. Since only two people are present it will remain unclear. And this brings me to a further point. Why have we imbued sexual acts with such power? They have the power to shock and to disgust. Why is rape worse then a punch in the face?




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70509 is a reply to message #70508] Wed, 04 November 2015 17:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Smokr is currently offline  Smokr

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Quote:
timmy wrote on Wed, 04 November 2015 05:43And this brings me to a further point. Why have we imbued sexual acts with such power? They have the power to shock and to disgust. Why is rape worse then a punch in the face?


--
Because we are not told for our first ten or so years of our life that our faces are private places, that we should always keep it covered with clothing, that we shouldn't touch them in front of company, and that we should never let anyone touch us there because it is very bad.
Then during early puberty we aren't given a talk or hear from our friends about a talk from parents or get talks from teachers about how special our face is, and how personal, and how we should only let someone we really love touch it or touch theirs, and how wonderful and special touching each others faces is.
Because or faces aren't called 'naughty bits' and 'private parts' and 'special areas'.
We're told sex is 'special' and 'secret' and 'dirty' from birth to grave.



raysstories.com
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70510 is a reply to message #70509] Wed, 04 November 2015 18:56 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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Location: UK, in Devon
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Quote:
Smokr wrote on Wed, 04 November 2015 17:50
"Quote:"
timmy wrote on Wed, 04 November 2015 05:43And this brings me to a further point. Why have we imbued sexual acts with such power? They have the power to shock and to disgust. Why is rape worse then a punch in the face?



--
Because we are not told for our first ten or so years of our life that our faces are private places, that we should always keep it covered with clothing, that we shouldn't touch them in front of company, and that we should never let anyone touch us there because it is very bad.
Then during early puberty we aren't given a talk or hear from our friends about a talk from parents or get talks from teachers about how special our face is, and how personal, and how we should only let someone we really love touch it or touch theirs, and how wonderful and special touching each others faces is.
Because or faces aren't called 'naughty bits' and 'private parts' and 'special areas'.
We're told sex is 'special' and 'secret' and 'dirty' from birth to grave.

--
That reinforces "that we have" but not "why we have."

I have similar feelings about 'hate crimes'. I see assault as assault, It is not worse because it is assault on a class of person.

Rape is a violent and invasive crime. But it is assault, no more and no less.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Sexual consent explained  [message #70511 is a reply to message #70504] Wed, 04 November 2015 20:08 Go to previous message
ChrisR is currently offline  ChrisR

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I remember as a kid going camping (4 nights) with several friends ranging about 12-17. We surely had a few days of junk food, sleeping bags, rope, etc., but the main thing was tea. Our backpacks bulged with Twining, Tetley, Lipton, Constant Comment, Herbal... amazing we could fit anything else in at all.

After 3 or 4 days, we could barely move. We'd grown sort of sick of tea, and crawled back to civilization. But amazingly, after a good hot shower and a serious night's sleep, we were all ready for more baseball, more hot dogs, and more tea. Lots more.
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