A Place of Safety
I expect simple behaviours here. Friendship, and love.
Any advice should be from the perspective of the person asking, not the person giving!
We have had to make new membership moderated to combat the huge number of spammers who register

You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > The first 10 puns of 2018
The first 10 puns of 2018  [message #73798] Tue, 02 January 2018 21:14 Go to next message

Likes it here
Location: Earth
Registered: April 2013
Messages: 277

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying three dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "Sorry, gentlemen, only two carrions allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival Florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, by proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good!) A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was a person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Re: The first 10 puns of 2018  [message #73800 is a reply to message #73798] Wed, 03 January 2018 07:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message

Toe is in the water

Registered: March 2014
Messages: 93

I've come to like puns. They've groan on me.

Re: The first 10 puns of 2018  [message #73822 is a reply to message #73798] Sat, 06 January 2018 00:04 Go to previous messageGo to next message
bobynike is currently offline  bobynike

Getting started
Location: Canada
Registered: February 2017
Messages: 7

Good thanks for sharing
Re: The first 10 puns of 2018  [message #73841 is a reply to message #73798] Sun, 07 January 2018 23:58 Go to previous message
Paul Schroder is currently offline  Paul Schroder

Getting started
Location: Idaho, U.S.A.
Registered: April 2012
Messages: 17

If I gave out candy for a bad pun,  would it be a punish mint?
Previous Topic: mike033273
Next Topic: Penis size and importance
Goto Forum: