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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > What part does your sex play in your life?
What part does your sex play in your life?  [message #78195] Fri, 19 November 2021 17:06 Go to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13604



I read this article and started thinking.

My body presebts itself with an outie. I'm pretty confident that I am male. But what exactly is male, what is female? What real part does it play in my life?

[Updated on: Fri, 19 November 2021 18:00]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: What part does your sex play in your life?  [message #78196 is a reply to message #78195] Sat, 20 November 2021 09:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ivor slipper is currently offline  ivor slipper

Likes it here

Registered: September 2013
Messages: 112




Looks like you're 'outieing' yourself. Timmy :p
Re: What part does your sex play in your life?  [message #78197 is a reply to message #78195] Sat, 20 November 2021 11:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NW is currently offline  NW

On fire!
Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1543



"timmy wrote on Fri, 19 November 2021 17:06"
But what exactly is male, what is female? What real part does it play in my life?


--
As with so many things in life, "male" and "female" are categories that we've chosen to apply, in the usual human attempt to make sense of things: in reality, the boundaries (as with so much of the natural world) are much fuzzier than the Aristotelian logic we've been brought up with prepares us to recognise. As it happens, I personally fall fairly squarely into the category "male".

However, my personal self-identity, and the social identity which I respond best to, is "out gay man", which for me carries overtones that in some respects I may have different attitudes and reactions from those seen as conventionally male. Despite having been fairly gender-nonconforming as a young child, I don't identify as non-binary, and am happy to be seen as male (although I see it as only part of a description). I recognise that this, along with being "white" and "educated" has given me a level of privilege (which are to some extent offset by being "disabled" and "gay").

I've been thinking a lot about non-binary and genderqueer identities over the past few months, as my nibling (formerly niece) has been wrestling with their identity before starting to come out as non-binary earlier this year, and I've been doing my best to support them. While it's an experience entirely alien to me, there do seem to be many commonalities with my coming out as gay in the years around 1980. Decisions about who to come out to and how, fear of rejection, being faced with blank incomprehension or disbelief, being told "it's a phase" or "you're only saying that to seek attention", and a general feeling that society, authorities and official forms simply excluded us from having a recognised existence - things which for me are thankfully generally far in the past - are very live issues for them. 

Lest this be seen as excessively "woke", there are still many things I struggle with, of course. For me, although I understand the "declare my pronouns" movement, it really feels wrong to sign off emails or wear a namebadge at meetings, with "he/him": for me, it signifies an assertion of conventional masculinity with which I'm not entirely happy. And after 25 years of thinking of my "niece" as "she/her", it still takes a bit of a conscious effort to think of my "nibling" as "they/them", and I feel a bit bad that it does (though it's given me an insight into how long it took people to stop asking about girlfriends for years after I'd come out to them as gay!).

Please excuse the length and possible incoherence of this post - for me, it's a very live area and I'm still groping my way towards a settled understanding. I'll be interested to hear any other views ...



"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: What part does your sex play in your life?  [message #78198 is a reply to message #78195] Sat, 20 November 2021 11:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13604



In some sort of answer to my own question, my sex plays as little part in my life as my orientation does.

I visit public toilets, for example, to use them for the intended function. I don't care whether the other people there are male or female (cleaners can be female in male toilets). In the gym, should I ever visit one again, I go to the male changing room, though have no issue who sees me naked. I visit clothing optional beaches, and opt not to clothe in warm enough weather.

I despise the employment glass ceiling for those not male.

I despise the orthodox (etc) Jew who cannto even shake hands with a woman. As for the compartmentalised Wailing Wall, words fail me.

I have a sarong, a gharment I enjoy wearing, but feel unhappy to wear it outside because the damned neighbours express shock. I bought several in Sria Lanka where it has a different local name, and wore it happily there. How weird that the same neighbours woudl accept a kilt.

I dislike the fact that, being male, pretty clothes are almost denied to me. I was gaudier in the early 1970s than I coudl ever be in 2021.

These are surface things.

Inside I am not male, but am me.  

[Updated on: Fri, 26 November 2021 20:07]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: What part does your sex play in your life?  [message #78205 is a reply to message #78198] Fri, 26 November 2021 19:03 Go to previous message
Teddy is currently offline  Teddy

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: October 2006
Messages: 474



Many of us came "programmed" by our family and our society to assume certain masculine or feminine roles. Some of us fall into those roles with ease and some do not. For some of us our body programs us to be who we are. We have a dick and present all the recognized manifestations of our sex. It's natural to us outside of the influences of family and society. For some it is not so cut and dried. 

I'm reminded of the story here by Pedro ( https://iomfats.org/storyshelf/hosted/pedro/the-challenge-th at-is-tony/22.html ) where a young person is forced into a gender role opposite what they are by a mother who refuses to accept what their sex is. Somehow the child knew who they reall were. On the flip side of that, I have a nephew who is now a niece. She was adamant from very early on, that even though her sex said she was male, she was actually female. Thankfully her parents caught on when she was sill quite young and allowed her to be the gender she knew she was rather than the gender indicated by her genials. The change in her was astonishing. She went from a sad and slightly recalcirant child to a happy, bubbly, outgoing, and agreeable child almost overnight.

For me? I'm definitely male and fit the role of male. I'm bi but probs 85% gay. I love my sex and my gender and most definitely love my orientation. I love the male body and I love dick. Some would say that disqualifies me as male, regardless of my genitals. I think society is way too hung up on this stuff. And while we are at it, society is probably too hung up  on the act of sex over all.  



“There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is.” - Terry Pratchett
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